Saturday, August 20, 2005

a rock and a hard place

I am in the midst of a big decision.
JJ and I talked about it at length today; in fact, I think we broke 3 hours on the phone today. A new record! Good thing it was a weekend, when the minutes are unlimited and the calls are free.
I'm faced with a choice.
I could take the easy road and run away from my current masters degree situation by enrolling at Crane in the summers. I'd most likely be finished in three summers, and I wouldn't have to write a thesis; all I'd have to do is take a battery of comprehensive exams. Exams don't bother me, because I test well. But if I were to do this, I would have to acknowledge those two years in Philadelphia that gave me nothing except JJ and a huge interest in musical semiotics. And I would always feel like the Temple door never got fully closed. And I want it closed completely!

I could take the hard road and try to hash out my thesis with Dr. S, whose communication with me has been barely civil and definitely not friendly. I know our relationship is bad, and I am fairly sure that she would try to catch me in the system and get me stuck and subsequently make it so I don't graduate in time to apply for permanent teaching certification in New York. I know that I would get contradictory feedback, and I know I would probably say "enough!" after very little time, and most likely wind up back at option 1.

I could also try to convince JJ's advisor to be mine. There are problems with this; the only tenured prof that could be on my committee besides Dr. S already rejected me, and I have to have 2 tenured professors on my committee. (JJ's advisor would be the other.) I could try to pull strings, but it will wind up being difficult. I'm also not very confident in this advisor's timeliness of doing things. I know she never graded my midterm for the class I took with her, and it took her all summer to read JJ's thesis, when it was promised by Memorial Day. But I also think I can manage her. She tends to forget. If I make it a point to almost-pester as a friendly reminder that I am around, I might be able to work around that problem. The biggest concern would be what to tell Dr. S. But I think it might be best to sever ties with her completely. I distrust Dr. S THAT much. I really do.

I need to sleep on it. I have an email composed and ready to send to Dr. B (JJ's advisor), but I need to sleep on it and realize that it's the right thing to do. But it's starting to appear to be so.

It was still hard to come to this. And I still don't quite feel I'm there. But no matter what, I know that something will happen, and that something is the thing I will wind up sticking with.

don't you grammarians hate when people end blogs with prepositions? I wonder how many of you cringed when you saw that.


Blogger Sonja said...

Good luck with your decision!

August 21, 2005 11:29 AM  
Blogger Courtney said...

A masters is a big undertaking, and you need to have an advisor that's going to be helpful. With all of the rules and hoops that NCLB makes we teachers jump through, you need to have the best guidance. Dump the bad advisor.
Good luck. Thanks for stopping by.

August 21, 2005 8:27 PM  
Blogger trusty getto said...

Good luck with your decision. These types are the hardest ones, by far.

Thanks also for your comment. I responded. I, too, have RA, and wish Vioxx was around (I'm a low risk for it). It's not the act, but the cover up that always gets 'em, eh?

August 21, 2005 8:49 PM  
Anonymous molly said...

hi emily :-) so sorry it's taken me so long to get over to this blog! i need to have an easy link so i can visit more!
ryc: i think most of live in the "existing" part of the world...survival, ya know? occasionally we "live". for me, i get very caught up in mundane day to day stuff.
take care- Molly

August 22, 2005 1:43 PM  

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