Wednesday, September 28, 2005

good things


student C (a fifth grader that most middle-school teachers are afraid of) asked me if he could come in after school for guitar help. (we're doing guitar in 5th grade.)

we sat for an hour and did some guitar and some talking.

What a fantastic kid. Articulate, witty, funny, sweet.

He is an inspiration.

It goes to show: if you get to know a student, amazing things can happen.

Another thing: I am begging you, please, to keep the potato going.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

bad day

Today was not a good day.

I began my day with a flat-ish tire. This tire had been losing air a bit lately, so I kept checking the pressure, and it lost about 10 psi per 24 hours. Not good. So I reinflated it and went to school.

5th grade music was okay, but not great. Not their best, but not their worst. They're a great class.

High school chorus... engh. It took longer than usual to get them to quiet down, and then they were pretty darn rude. Not a nightmare, but rude. I gave them their usual reminder about music marking (don't write on your music, etc.), and of course, people doodled on their music. They passed one piece in, and it had marks on it. So I stopped class and held them up, and asked whodunnit. No answer. A second song happened, and they ended class like that, and it sounded pretty okay. Not great, but okay. I asked them to place their music neatly in a pile on the table. Evidently "neatly" is not a word that enters their minds. Big ol' pile o' music. At that point, some girls came up to me after class. First a girl gave me a piece of music, apologized, and explained that there was gum between the pages when she got it, and she was sorry, please don't make her pay for it, etc. etc. I knew she wasn't lying. Then a couple others handed me a pile and explained that two girls in the back were doddling/writing on the music and that they hid it in that pile.

What was on that music is not fit for me to type in any form. But it called me a few choice names. I don't like that kind of stuff.

Then middle school chorus. It was okay, but not great. But after class, a girl who was clearly upset about something, came to tell me that there were some rumors going around about me. She told them to me, and they were very innovative and unfounded and stupid. Typical middle school stuff... and worse. Again, not worth repeating.

I also got told that I looked like I worked at McDonald's, because I was wearing a coral-colored shirt with a pair of black pants. whoops. I never knew McD's workers were such snazzy dressers.

Such stuff normally doesn't upset me. But then kindergarten happened.

I came into the room after walking them down the hallway, and they were making cute little noises...
"bop bop bop bop bop bop"
and they wouldn't stop.

Their classroom teacher came into my room and asked me to keep track of those noises, because she had had a problem with them all day.

Well, the noises stopped. The girl and 2 boys that were the culprits then decided that it would be fun to clap. So they clapped. And clapped. And clapped.

I offered one boy a time-out chair, and he yelled "NO!" and went under the table. Then, as I tried to start one song, he crawled all over the floor and started grabbing other students' legs.

Meanwhile his little friend continued the noises.

Meanwhile the girl started clapping.

When the first boy finally got into his chair, I thought we should sing a song. So I started to sing a song. Then the 2 boys and girl decided that it would be fun to scream while the rest of the class tried to sing.

So I stopped. I brought the other boy to the time out chair. He got up and started playing with my ipod-speaker setup. (I use an ipod and set of portable speakers so I can get CD's out of my own collection and not haul them everywhere.) I told him to sit down, and he said, "no!" So I took him by the hand and he squirmed out of it and went back to the time-out chair.

Then boy 1 started screaming the s-word over and over, and boy 2 joined him. The rest of the class, cute little angels that they are, were horrified. jeeeeeeeeez.

At that point the classroom teacher came in and removed the 2 boys from the room so that the high school principal and the superintendent could have a word with them, because the elementary principal was out for the day.

I still had 10 minutes left.

Those other kids are angels. They all got stickers.

The girl, meanwhile, continued to be disruptive, but evidently not as bad as she had been all day. She got a sticker, but she didn't deserve it. She screwed around with her sticker (putting it in inappropriate places, etc.), while the other kids just thanked me and kept theirs on their shirts.

Then 4th grade, and comparatively, they were angels. But usually they are a tough class.

After school I had to write up the kindergarteners (!!!!) and dialogue with the one teacher about them.

Then I had to go get my car fixed.

I need to buy a new tire. And they're doing that right now.

Such is my day. I need a hug. And some Prozac. ;)

Oh, and an aside: the kindergarteners were like that AFTER they had been yelled at by the superintendent of schools once already that day. wow.

Friday, September 23, 2005


Who the hell came up with the word "meme?" What does it mean? ugh.

Anyway, I got tagged by wonderful Trusty Getto (see the link on the right because I'm too lazy to type all that A HREF nonsense right now), and so here are my results:

MEME from Perverted Republican's site:
1. Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog?
Heck no! I go to the grocery store as I am and could care less if I run into someone. Sadly, the grocery store I frequent is the child of the store where I once worked, so many of my former coworkers are there, and they always say hello and ask me about my life. I don't care about giving them insipid details, because I already do that on a blog. I should just hand them a a card with my blog URL.

2. Are the photos you post Photoshopped or otherwise altered?
Nope. I don't even own any photo or graphic software.

3. Do you like it when creeps or dorks email you?
No. Who does?

4. Do you lie in your blog?
Only if I don't know the truth myself.

5. Are you passive-aggressive in your blog?
I don't know, because I'm not sure what passive-aggressive really means.

6. Do you ever threaten to quit writing so people will tell you not to stop?
No, because I don't really consider this quality writing. I wish I had kept up writing as a hobby, but unfortunately, I'm too apathetic. And, at the moment, too doped-out on NyQuil to care about anything.

7. Are you in therapy? If not, should you be? If so, is it helping?
Not right now. Sometimes I think it would be fun to have a therapist again, because I felt better by having someone to listen to my problems who was also legally bound to confidentiality.

8. Do you delete mean comments? Do you fake nice ones?
Yes, I delete mean ones, because I don't like to look at them. How do you fake a nice comment???

9. Have you ever rubbed one out while reading a blog? How about after?
I'm embarrassed to say this, but I'm not sure exactly what this means. If it means self-pleasuring, heck no!

10. If your readers knew you in person, would they like you more or like you less?
If they could stand my too-much-talking, moodiness, and anti-social after-school behavior.

11. Do you have a job?
Yes. I teach children music. Or at least, I try.

12. If someone offered you a decent salary to blog full-time without restrictions, would you do it?
Mayyyyyyybe. If I blogged full-time, though, I wouldn't have many other experiences to bring to my blog, which would make it boring. And then I'd get fired. So probably not.

13. Which blogger do you want to meet in real life?
Sonja. I've been reading her the longest, and she looks like a good ol' friend of mine. That and she cracks me up.

14. Which bloggers have you made out with?
umm... none of your business! I try not to kiss and tell.

15. Do you usually act like you have more money or less money than you really have?
I hope I act like I have enough, and that people don't think anything about money when they see me.

16. Does your family read your blog?
Only my cousin, and since I moved away from xanga, I'm not sure how often he reads. But I don't want the rest of my family reading it.

17. How old is your blog?
This one is in its fourth month. My xanga site was alive and well for over 4 years, but it's all but shut down now.

18. Do you get more than 1000 page views per day? Do you care?
Heck no, and I don't care.

19. Do you have another secret blog in which you write about being depressed, slutty, or a liar?No. I used to have a secret blog, but I stopped using it, because I knew people would find it.

20. Have you ever given another blogger money for his/her writing?

21. Do you report the money you earn from your blog on your taxes?
I definitely don't earn ANY money for blogging.

22. Is blogging narcissistic?
Sometimes. But I think it's more like a venting place for me. I do love getting comments though. I really do. I see how many comments I get, and I think "yippee!" That seems narcissistic.

23. Do you feel guilty when you don't post for a long time?
Sometimes. But it's MY blog. nyeh.

24. Do you like John Mayer?
I've liked some of his songs, but I don't actively like the guy. I always thought his voice was pretty crummy but his chords were pretty cool compared to what else I heard on the radio.

25. Do you have enemies?
I'm a teacher of high-school and junior-high school students. They will declare me the enemy even if I don't know. So, yes. It comes with the territory. Which is sad, because I'm trying to make their lives better. Ironic, isn't it?

26. Are you lonely?
Sometimes. But lately I'm more antisocial, because I deal with people all stinking day.

27. Why bother?
Because it's interesting to see where life takes us. And if we don't bother, we always remember that we didn't, and wonder how much better we could have done/been. I'm using "we" to describe what has happened with my life. I figure I might as well do the best I can, since it has to be done anyway.

And now I'm exhausted and I need more Sudafed.

No, Trusty, I didn't take the day off. I went to school, sneezed, taught, did work, drove 27 miles to my parents' town to visit friends, realized I left my wallet at home, drove back home, drove back to my parents' house. Yes. today. And I'm still blogging. Tomorrow I rest.


Thursday, September 22, 2005


well, it finally hit me. I got sick today.

I thought I could get through the day, but lunchtime rolled around, and I wasn't able to stand up anymore, so I went home sick. I'm mortified. I never do stuff like that. After a 2-hour nap, I'm slightly better, but still rather queasy.

School is hectic. When I come home, I really don't care about contacting people, because I see nothing but people at school all day.

I have an amazing soprano. She's new to the district, and she's very nice, polite, and all that. She has a beautiful voice. She asked for a CD and a copy of the music so that she could practice. I wish we could clone that girl.

I love my chamber choir; they're nice people, and they do well. Many are seniors, which breaks my heart, because then I won't have them next year. *sadness*

And now, that was enough exertion for one evening. I'm off to rest some more, because, as God is my witness, I will NOT have a sub tomorrow. I am super-teacher. hear me roar.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

surveys, to feed my vice.

These answers belong to: me
Who is around the age of: 24
Which makes them a/an: Scorpio
Who can be found at/in: my home
Your first best friend was named: Colleen
You’ve moved this many times: 12
You first word was: dada
Your first swear word was: I don't know... damn?
Your first job was: greasy worker at Lupo's
Favorite TV shows as a kid: Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood.
Favorite books as a kid: Little Brown Bear, the Little House books.
Favorite movies as a kid: Wizard of Oz
Favorite foods as a kid: Ham and broccoli crepes
Favorite toys as a kid: Barbies
Favorite videogames as a kid: we weren't allowed to have Nintendo until the shrink told us it'd improve my brother's hand-eye coordination, and then I hated it.
Your current best friend is named: JJ
Your significant other is named: JJ
Current Job: K-12 music teacher
Current Obsessions: how to manage children in a positive way
Current Annoyances: children who do not listen.
Favorite TV shows: CSI, NCIS, MASH
Favorite books: Evensong by Gail Godwin
Favorite movies: Napoleon Dynamite, Gone With the Wind,
Favorite foods: nutritious, creamy, flavorful
Favorite toys: Patrick the Pup
Favorite videogames: I hate them. Go outside and get some exercise.
Where you see yourself next year: teaching some more, with better control over my classes.
In two years: teaching some more, with still better control over my classes, and better curriculum development.
In five years: with JJ.
In twenty years: with JJ.
In fifty years: with JJ.
Future son’s name: anything except Nick, Josh, Kyle, Tyler, Zach, Chris, Willie, Greg...
Future daughter’s name: anything except another list of students who misbehave...
How the world will probably end: when the sun dies and heats everything up too much.
What happens after you die: your soul goes on to another life, unless it has reached ultimate enlightenment.
Organized religion: is man-made. God is not.
Child sponsorship: how do you sponsor a child?
Subliminal messages in music: exist.
Abortion: yucks me out.
Adoption: is a good idea.
Gay Marriage: would be very good for me.
Euthanasia: yucks me out.
Underage drinking: is a bad idea. people need to grow up and learn to be responsible.
Artistic Censorship: is a bad idea. people need to grow up.
The one-child policy: is not as bad as you might think... especially with some of the parents I've met.
Vegetarianism: is fine as long as you monitor your nutrition.
Atheism: is fine for others, but not for me.
Pornography: is pretty darn gross.
Racial profiling: is stupid.
Hunting for sport: is stupid.
“Happy Holidays” vs. “Merry Christmas”: oh say "Merry Christmas" at Christmas and "Happy Hanukkah" at Hanukkah, and all that.
Most likely to owe you $10 in the not so distant future: no one, because I usually don't lend money.
Most likely to end up stranded at an airport somewhere: me
Most likely to end up in jail and call you to bail them out: my brother.
Most spoiled: some of my students.
Most selfless: JJ and Jessie
Could very well be secretly gay: an old ex of mine.
Has the best house: me, because it means I have a home.
Has the best clothes: J Crew.
Has the best taste in music: depends on what you like.
Is the most gullible: little kids.
Full of the useless information: my dad.
Knows secrets about you no one else does: JJ
Has seen you cry: almost all of my friends.
Has cried with you: many of my friends.
Has seen you drunk: JJ?
Has been drunk with you: I'm not sure, because I don't get drunk much, if at all.
Acts most like their zodiac sign: don't know.
Acts least like their zodiac sign: don't know.
If you had to, you’d switch wardrobes with: JJ.
If you had to, you’d switch families with: Chris (his parents are hilarious)
If you had to, you’d switch houses with: no one.
How you take your coffee: I don't.
How you take your tea: I don't.
How you take your liquor: red wine in a glass please.
The most wonderful time of the year: winter.
I’d rather be: sleeping.
My other car is a: hybrid.
Honk if you’re: stupid enough to create unnecessary noise.
Your personal icons or heros: Napoleon Dynamite?
Girls are made of: all kinds of good stuff.
Boys are made of: hormones.
Three words describing the person you took this from: funny, beautiful smile, creative
Your dream pet: a dog.
Your dream vacation: Winter Park, CO.
Your dream job: teaching well-behaved children who want to learn. I have the first word, but not the others.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005


For the past few days I've disappeared because I'm so tired after working all day. I am tired right now, and it's only Tuesday... ugh! At least NCIS is on tonight. :)

I've done a lot of hard and fast thinking and discovering lately, and I have figured out this:

I have a soulmate.
We belong together.

No change that I ever make in my life could make being apart from my soulmate seem like the "right" thing to do. I spent the past week or so trying to act on someone's attraction to me, and it doesn't work, because he's not my soulmate. Sure, he's a heck of a nice guy, but we do not belong together.

I belong where my soulmate is.

I kept thinking that it was nice to date a man, because I could show him off to my friends and introduce him as a romantic partner. He was attractive, too, so I wasn't worried about that. But he wasn't (and isn't) my soulmate. And the idea of making a life with anyone other than my soulmate is just wrong.

Every time I tried to think about the future, my soulmate was in it. I couldn't get her out. My inability to get her out was a huge comfort to me during some rough times.

I finally discovered this. And I am so glad that I did.

I love you, soulmate. You know who you are.

Thursday, September 08, 2005


I am so tired.

so very, very tired.

I just want to eat a huge meal, and curl up and go to sleep.

but I don't want the indigestion that has been coming every time I eat lately.

My children are wonderful for the most part. I have some beautiful, wonderful, sweet students. I also have some test-ers, and they are testing me. Ho boy, are they ever testing me.

I worry a lot.

My fingertips are sore from guitar.

My back is sore from stupid teacher-shoes that look great but are totally un-ergonomic.

My body and mind are so tired. But when I get to bed, I can't shut it off. I'm stuck there, awake, singing the songs I'm going to sing tomorrow over and over and over and over again, and then scripting what I'm going to do, and worrying about having enough chairs in high school chorus, and worrying if I'm going to destroy my voice again in chorus, and worrying how much they're going to test me.

Tomorrow is very busy. I'm going to teach, and then go to my parents' and nap, and then it's Friday at Friday's again.

I need it.

But Saturday I'm going to sit and do nothing. I'm going to sleep with a vengeance, and I'm going to probably cry, too.

Right now there's something stuck in my throat. It won't go away. It's not physical, but I can feel it there, and no matter how much I cry, it doesn't melt.

The crying is from fatigue. I lost signal on my cell phone yesterday and cried over that. My earpiece doesn't work and I cried about that. I'm a crier lately.

And this post is about as flowing as my thoughts right now. They keep jumping.

Thursday, September 01, 2005


So everyone has celebrity crushes. I have my own share. Enjoy.

First and foremost, Alan Alda, as seen on MASH. No one is as hot as Hawkeye was. Then I saw the older Alan on the Ellen DeGeneres show, and I was like, "cool! he's a real person." And hot!

Alton Brown combines perfect geekdom and celebrity. Plus I'm pretty sure he'd cook his date a mean dinner. And he reminds me of an old friend from college, who always kinda sorta made me blush and smile, but whom I never got around to voicing my feelings too. Eggs, if you read this, that's you.

Jorja Fox, whether it be Maggie Doyle on ER or Sarah on CSI, is hot. Period. And she has that wonderful, wonderful depth of character in her acting.

Pauley Perrette is the reason I watch NCIS. Goth chicks are HOTT. And she just manages to have that torture-the-nerd thing going on... a self-confidence I wish I had. :)

I want William Petersen. Actually, no. I want Grissom. I wish his character were a real person.

Ellen DeGeneres will always have that "I-wonder-what-it's-like appeal to me, because just as she was coming out on network TV, I was starting to question that about myelf. She's now down-to-earth, funny, and just plain sexy in her own confident way. And blue eyes!

Now that we're done being visceral, I'll go watch CSI and drool now. :)