tides

announcement

2006-07-15T15:18:00.000-04:00

AHEM!

I seem to have lost interest in this blog, although it may be actually updated from time to time. However, if you wish to see something updated more often, you could go to my sign collection blog:

http://funny-signs-the-world-over.blogspot.com

Yes, an awkward name, but it gets the job done. There's a link in there to tell you how to submit stuff, too. I would love for people to do that. If people could do that, I might be able to actually post every day.

Thank you and may the pigeons fly upside down when you wash your car.

local color.

2006-06-20T18:54:00.000-04:00

So once in a while I go to this thing called Opera Cabaret. It's neither opera nor cabaret, but it explains local color in my hometown better than anything else I can think of. First, you've got to know that my hometown has a LOT of people of Italian descent in it. (This results in fantastic, small restaurants and great smells emanating from the North Side, but it also results in things like opera cabaret and grape arbors in the front yard.)

I'm not slamming Opera Cabaret. It's actually quite special, and completely amusing if you approach it right.

First, you have to understand the charm that is Giorgio. He is the only person pictured in this set of photos, and I don't really know how to describe him. He sounds as funny as he looks. He's usually seen around town in a mesh t-shirt (black), black cut-off shorts, purple socks, black velcro sneakers, and a scarf around his neck. He's strangely thin with a really exaggerated hunched back and paunchy abdomen. But a sweet man, nonetheless, and he's the force behind Opera Cabaret.

His sisters (two extremely short Italian women who tell corny jokes) are the helpers for the show. They come around to your table and pass out chewy, unsalted, unbuttered popcorn that is impossible to digest - much less masticate. It tastes awful, but it too is a Cabaret experience.

Oh, a Corino girls joke?
Q: what do you use frozen band-aids for?
A: cold cuts!

But the girls are great.
On to the music. Giorgio gets local people to come sing songs for the cabaret (no pay involved), and it's known as Una Serata di Gioia - an evening of joy. They usually sing a few opera songs and/or musical theater numbers. And Giorgio sings too.

It used to be the most hilarious thing in the world to go to OC, because the singing was legendarily awful. Vibratos wider than the naked eye could perceive, and some really crazy showmanship. The pianist would actually get up and yell at the performers if they made a mistake back in the day. Now one of the local performers with the Tri Cities Opera has taken over artistic directorship, and it's actually getting pretty good musically. In one way, an improvement. In another way, a disappointment, because I seriously think the *bad* singing was part of its essence.

Three of my favorites were Giorgio, this soprano named Mary Jo, and this guy Dick. Giorgio is explained by his pictures. Mary Jo... defies explanation. She acted like such a diva, but her singing was so awful that most people laughed at her constantly. She never realized it, and just chalked it up to her superior stage presence. She was terrible (didn't perform this past time). Dick is a man who sings Irish ditties who gets more and more soused as the night goes on.

Anyway - here are some pictures from the night. The sign on the table is indeed authentic. Can anyone translate? I'd love to know what it actually says.

O Sole Mio... la la la la

pictures, both serious and silly.

2006-05-22T16:42:00.000-04:00

My dad is gallavanting around Southeast Asia right now, taking crazy-good photos. He's pretty gifted. Look at this shot to the left, and you'll know what I'm talking about. Anyway, if you're interested in photos AND you have a taste for the multicultural (along with his amusing take on his adventures), go visit his website: http://home.stny.rr.com/seasia2006/

On a funny note, there are no-dog-pooping signs all over Europe. My parents took pictures of quite a few that were funny, but I found this one recently on some website during my less sophisticated internet explorations, and thought it was far and away the best. Note the expression on the top pooch's face. Classic.

2 cents.

2006-05-01T19:07:00.000-04:00

what you see above you is a piece of my check to Pennsylvania Department of Revenue, because of income taxes.

Yes, I wrote the check because I thought the amount was silly. And because I thought "JEEZ! Can't Temple even get THIS right?"

ha ha.

stolen from Sherri

2006-04-30T19:13:00.000-04:00

I haven't been posting on this blog in a while... the past couple weeks have been tough, and have forced me to examine some things about my past and my future. It's become a very personal struggle, and the only people who really would understand are the people who know who is involved in said struggle.

To make a long story short:
1. my favorite prof was denied tenure.
2. a bunch of alumni wrote to the dean in his support, to say "this is wrong, give him tenure."
3. I decided to write too.
4. I had trouble writing my letter, even though this is my favorite educator of all time, simply because I'm a flute player.

explanation: the flute professor hates this other professor, and so I became caught in the middle, because I liked other professor and was not afraid to say so. As a result, I was one of the top players in the studio, but I received little respect (if any) simply because of my good rapport with said prof.

I could go into WHY the flute prof hates the other prof, but it's such a long story, and it's really ridiculous, and it made me lose a lot of respect for the man who made it possible for me to be as good as a flute player as I am today.

So I'm still caught in the middle and bitter about it, so I won't do that. I wrote my letter in support, and it was well-written and professional. And I struggled and hurt and still can't believe the hurt is as fresh today as it was 4 years ago.

Imagine! The finest flute teacher I've ever worked with saying to me:
"You know, E, I just can't imagine you as a music teacher."

and as I exited other prof's office,

"so, coming out of your apartment? That's where you live, isn't it?"

and then saying in front of his entire studio,
"as if I give a damn what [other professor] thinks!"

So I lost respect for the guy as a person, but I still owe him almost all of my musicianship. That kills me.

OK, so the meme.

I'm supposed to state 6 weird or unconventional things about myself. Most of you already know that I'm pretty darn unconventional. Here goes:

1. When I get too warm, there is nothing I love more than putting a clean pair of socks in the freezer for half an hour and then putting them on. whoosh!

1a (this is still about socks): I am obsessed with matching my socks perfectly. So much so that I even put a permanent marker dot of a unique color on each sock every time I buy a new set. This way, I don't get my "batches" confused if I have similar batches of socks. Compulsive? yes. Effective? also yes.

2. If I take Amoxicilin (the antibiotic), I become lactose intolerant. Oddly enough, no other antibiotics have this effect on me.

3. I must wear plain white cotton socks to bed, or I can't sleep.

4. I can't sleep if my legs are not in pajama pants, regardless of how hot it is. I hate the feeling of sheets on bare legs. Especially if I have not shaved within the last 12 hours. (I'm a hairy girl.)

5. If I'm hungry and I DON'T want to eat, I watch the food network, because it makes me lose my appetite.

6. I still have nightmares about my abusive ex. No kidding.

patience grows weeds.

2006-04-20T21:09:00.000-04:00

so I really stepped in it this time.

My mouth got me in trouble again.

When, Emilie-la-bavarde, are you going to learn that you must actually REALIZE what you're saying before you just blurt it out?

I need to learn. Maybe I actually will someday.

Idiot!

memeness

2006-04-08T22:11:00.000-04:00

Yay to Pip for giving me such a wonderful meme!

Here are the rules:
Go to Google images.
Google-image the answer to each of these questions.
You MUST post the FIRST image result.

Here they be!

1. Your age on your next birthday:

2. Your favorite color:

3. Your middle name (if you have more than one, then include an image for each):

4. The last meal you ate:

5. Your bad habit:

6. Your favorite fruit or vegetable:

7. Your favorite animal:

8. The town you live in:

9. Name of your pet (or past pet; or younger sibling):

10. Best friend's nickname:

11. Your first name:

12. Your last name:

Bonus #1. Your nickname:

Bonus #2. Your favorite book:

Bonus #3. Your favorite actor/actress:

Bonus #4. Your favorite composer:

Bonus #5. Your alma mater:

evil coke machine

2006-04-06T18:04:00.000-04:00

Michel wins the quote of the day award. He was commenting on this picture. My very loose translation of what he said is:

"I've always thought that Coke was dangerous. Not too surprising that you were eaten by this Satanic machine then."

Michel is awesome.

He got me thinking about EATING things. Namely, unusual things. And then I started thinking about the pictures that I unsuccessfully tried to post with the original all-county pics. Here are the strange eating pictures.

First, here I am trying to swallow the logo for a play that was being advertised.

And then, of course, I tried to eat my one student's iPod nano. She was compulsive about my "guarding" it during rehearsals, and so of course I did. But every time there was a break, she'd ask me, "how's my iPod?" So, of course, I decided that I MUST do the eat-the-ipod trick and send her a copy of the picture. I titled it, "YUM, IPOD!"

Thanks, Michel, for the inspiration. I've been sick lately (severe laryngitis, which makes teaching chorus a bit difficult!!!), so it's been hard to think of something to write.

Out of Michel-oriented courtesy: Merci, Michel, de l'inspiration. Vous êtes, comme toujours, magnifique. :-)

All County 2006

2006-03-26T20:03:00.000-05:00

Every year, Binghamton University hosts 3 All-County festivals in our area. I just attended Festival 2 this weekend with 7 of my best and brightest 5th graders. While they sang for many hours at a time, I spent most of my time watching rehearsal and schmoozing with other music teachers in the area. My buddy Al was also there with some of his best and brightest, except he's a BAND director, so we had to sneak out of our respective rehearsals to engage in our normal tomfoolery. So - while things got boring and we both trusted that our kids would be adequately busy to avoid misbehavior, we ran around the Anderson Center for the Performing Arts (awesome facility!), taking funny pictures. I thought about putting together a powerpoint show called "what teachers REALLY do at All-County" but I decided against it. These are the photographic results.

Photo 1 (above): Help! I'm being eaten by a giant Coke machine!

Photo 2: There was this black granite plaque of the namesake of one of the theatres on the wall, and the guy looks like a grumpy old curmudgeon (but for all I know, he was a genius or is still alive and caught me doing this). So I saw it and said, "ooh, he's HOT!" and proceeded to pretend to worship the plaque.

Al and I love to mug for cameras, and this was one of those instances. He calls me "Em-wee" and so he said, "awww, Em-wee!" and I said "aw, Al!" and then we took the picture that showcases my very yellow-looking teeth.

And, of course, in the lobby of the concert hall, there are big potted TREES! So I climbed into one, and we thought it looked like a great jungle shot. It's one of my favorites of the day.

I have this one student who got an ipod Nano for Christmas, and she LOVES it. She also carries it EVERYWHERE she goes. I was appointed guardian of her iPod during the rehearsals - a task she took VERY seriously. So, of course, I had to do the swallow-the-ipod trick just to freak her out. We showed the picture to her with the digicam, but she knew it was a trick. Darn.

dang-blasted kids.

2006-03-21T16:25:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I had a rough day at school today. Rough day begets angst. Angst begets poetry.

First poem in many moons.

Every day I sing you a love song
from the deepest depths of my heart,
only to have it thrown back in my face
as a shallow mockery
of that which I find precious and breakable.

Every day I go home hurting
because I have failed
to break the nastiness you wear as a shield -
to get to the you inside.

Every morning I come back for more.
I still sing to you.
I still pray that one day,
sons of Adam and daughters of Eve,
you will notice
that I notice all the things
you hope I miss.

Right now you don’t hear me,
and that’s all right,
because now is the present.

You are the singers of the future.
And, whether you know it or not,
I trust you
and I respect you
for all this.

Someday you will make me proud with your singing.

But today and tomorrow
I must still sing for you
even if my song
gets thrown back in my face.
c. 2006, EMB

this week

2006-03-19T19:38:00.000-05:00

shall be an insane week.

To do tomorrow:

run state competition form to post office and overnight it to Sidney
deal with budget paperwork for said form
deal with budget paperwork for fundraising
try to schedule practices with the second graders for their pep rally on Friday
record myself playing guitar and singing "Blow the Man Down" and "A Pirate's Life"
practice piano
check logistics for concert
write letter to parents about videotaping
distribute letter
get videotaped
make intro to Irish music lesson plans
burn a million CD's or so for my 5th graders
xerox, xerox, and xerox (sssh)
write my 678 plans for the rest of the week and next

ha! For your amusement, I give you my entry to the Cuteness Overload blog. It's the weiner dog, in her favorite chair, with her second-favorite toy.

de retour

2006-03-12T14:50:00.000-05:00

yup, I'm back, after a long absence.

Many reasons.
First: I had a very demanding little dog for about 12 days. Cute, wonderful, and I kinda miss her, but boy oh boy was it ever exhausting.
second: before the dog left, JJ got here. She stayed here after the dog left. It was wonderful, but also very busy.

But, here's a brief photo montage of the happenings of the past week or so.

Last Friday (not this past one, but Friday a week ago), my mom got her head almost-shaved. It was part of some kind of fundraiser effort for school to help Katrina victims. It looks better than I thought it would. She left it grey for a few days, but then she tried to dye it brown again. Trust me when I tell you it looks better grey. The photo shows her head the day she got buzzed.

That was a pretty fun adventure to begin with. But last night, after going out to a very yummy dinner, JJ and I discovered a bag o' hats and wigs in the kitchen. Evidently one of Mom's book-club friends offered the loan of some head-warming devices. JJ and I jumped on it, and so did Mom. Dad found it appropriate to go upstairs and get the camera. The following hilarity ensued.

JJ in purple/pink, me in green, and Mom in rasta-man.

of course, JJ and I thought everything was just hilarious, and laughed heartily while wig-trading.

Mom had a little trouble figuring out the green one, though. She plans to wear it to school on Friday.

Don't hate us because we are beautiful.

Poutine

2006-02-27T19:44:00.000-05:00

So what's a poutine? See above. I always liked the sound of the word, so I decided that it would be fun to ask my students what THEY thought it meant (because they're not acquainted with poutine either). The results are as follows:

- a woman's ugly hat
- some kind of specific wig, but we don't know the specifics
- female anatomy, huh huh.
- Chinese food of some sort.
- a foreign article of clothing.
- potato chip flavor (that'd be pretty good, actually)

I need more ideas. Play with the word. What would you assign as a definition for "poutine" if you didn't know what it really meant?

memefication

2006-02-23T20:34:00.000-05:00

YAY Trusty Getto for tagging me. Yay!!!

Hard questions meme

1: Black and White or Color; how do you prefer your movies?

However they were originally done. Colorized B&W always bugs me. But at the same time, if a movie is in color, I don't want it to be in B&W.

2: What is the one single subject that bores you to near-death?

Sports. I just don't care. It's a game, for Pete's sake. Although I have enjoyed learning about football lately. sshh. don't tell.

3: MP3s, CDs, Tapes or Records: what is your favorite medium for prerecorded music?

CD's, I suppose. But I love my iPod for its portability, and the sound quality is pretty darn good.

4: You are handed one first class trip plane ticket to anywhere in the world and ten million dollars cash. All of this is yours provided that you leave and not tell anyone where you are going ... ever. This includes family, friends, everyone. Would you take the money and ticket and run?

I assume that this question assumes that there is no chance of returning. If I had to leave forever, heck no!
If I could return, heck yes! And I'd go to Paris for a month and invest the money so it'd grow and grow and grow, and live off the interest.

5: Seriously, what do you consider the world's most pressing issue now?

The devaluing of education and hard work. Kids these days (not all, but MANY of the ones I work with!) expect everything to be handed to them. They ask for "help" with an assignment, and expect you to basically do it for them. School is not something valued - it's a punishment, and teachers are the enemy. People need to stop placing so much emphasis on entertainment (e.g. sports, TV, etc.) and place it more on the things that matter.

Otherwise - I'd say it's the hero-ization (yay new words!) of the bad-ass. Ever notice that the people who were once thought to be upright citizens are now satirized beyond belief in the popular media? craziness.

6: How would you rectify the world's most pressing issue?

Make education rules more stringent. This is my rant from a localized perspective, but it applies everywhere. For example: It's fine that New York requires a whole pile of Regents exams for a high school diploma, but for crap's sake, stop making it so that a rock could pass all the exams! (In NY, a "passing" grade on a Regents exam is 55%.) Not everyone was born to have a Regents diploma. Rework a non-Regents program, and make sure that people understand that there is also honor to be had in doing blue-collar work. Stop assuming that fairness is always equal. To me, making my student who wrote the "I am" poem pass a Regents exam in chemistry is unfair. It is MORE fair, and more beneficial to him to place him in a vocational school where he can learn a trade that will help him secure a decent job. He needs to learn how to wash and take care of himself. He needs to know how to do laundry. If he can barely wash his hands, what the heck is the point of asking him to define ionic bonds? Teach him to wash his hands and clothes first. Then start talking about ionic bonds.

In non-ranting terms: take a closer look at the kids these days, and teach them what they need to know FIRST, and then teach them the academics. On my top priority list for the population I teach:
1a. personal hygiene, especially dental care and cleanliness
1b. LITERACY! Half my students can't even read!!!
2. keeping a home: laundry, basic cooking skills, sewing on buttons, etc.
3. keeping a budget. How to manage money. (Math skills come in here, folks)
4a. emotional health and self-expression: sports, music, hobbies
4b. academics

7: You are given the chance to go back and change one thing in your life; what would that be?

I actually would have paid attention in some of my academic classes in high school. Especially history.

8: You are given the chance to go back and change one event in world history, what would that be?

Beavis and Butthead.

9: A night at the opera, or a night at the Grand Ole' Opry --Which do you choose?

Opera, as long as it's a good one!

10: What is the one great unsolved crime of all time you'd like to solve?

I'm with Trusty on this one: JFK. Bull about the magic bullet.

11: One famous author can come to dinner with you. Who would that be, and what would you serve for the meal?

Gail Godwin. Chicken francaise over spinach with a nice risotto on the side, a nice green salad, creme brulee for dessert. And a beautifully dry white wine with citrus notes.

12: You discover that John Lennon was right, that there is no hell below us, and above us there is only sky -- what's the first immoral thing you might do to celebrate this fact?

Honestly, the idea of actually consciously doing something immoral upsets me. Why can't people be good just for the sake of being good?

rant, rant, rant.

But that was REALLY fun! It got me thinking!

I officially tag: JJ, Sonja, Jess, and anyone else who would like to answer. :D

excuse me, but is that a Johari window, or are you just happy to see me?

2006-02-14T21:40:00.000-05:00

yeah, it's a Johari window.

Play along. It's fun!

go here:

http://kevan.org/johari?name=EmilieJolie

and then play as much as you want. yaaay! :)

Thanks Sonja. You da best.

lists are fun!

2006-02-13T21:17:00.000-05:00

Things I have done today:

Taught 5 classes and two voice lessons
Comforted a crying fifth grader with a funny story and a watermelon tootsie pop
cooked a tasty dinner loosely based on the Mitford cookbook by Jan Karon
seasoned a cast-iron Dutch oven that used to be my dad's that had lost its seasoning
downloaded a whole bunch of songs for my 5th graders' music soundtrack project
wrote lesson plans for next week and the week after
proctored a study hall
did bus duty
had a blues cafe with my 4th graders
watched TV
blogged :)
washed lots of dishes
yelled at TS for running down the hallway only to hear him say, "WHAT?! I didn't hit anyone!"
helped a kindergartener color
mailed out my application to Crane, officially
begged my two favorite reference letter writers for letters of reference
talked on the phone
put leftover dinner into gladware
chatted with Gracie for 2.5 seconds or so
took a shower
blowdried my hair
shaved my legs and armpits
put on pajamas
ordered a NYSSMA manual
went shopping for teacher clothes online, but bought nothing
etc. etc.

all in all, a productive day.

Tomorrow, I must:

teach 3 classes and 2 voice lessons (the easiest day in the cycle, unless I tell you which 3 classes!)
work on my curriculum map
write sub plans for the 21st
turn in my lesson plans to the elementary school
make thank-you cards for the secretary and reading recovery teacher for coming to the blues cafe
go to dinner with John to celebrate singles' awareness day
figure out something romantic to surprise JJ with
notify the union that I can't come to the meeting because I have to teach voice lessons
start packing my suitcase
eat supper
email Dr. Nolker to ask his advice for when I'll be in Greensboro
watch the Charlie Brown Valentine's Day special
watch NCIS if possible

not a bad day ahead. I'm still riding on the waves of business... and joy of seeing JJ FRIDAY!!!!

survey addiction time.

2006-02-11T22:13:00.000-05:00

I stole this from a former Cranie, whom I hold in high musical regard.

1. My roommate once: had a delicious dinner waiting for me when I came home from class.

2. Never in my life have I: liked exercising.

3. The one person who can drive me nuts, but then can always manage to make me smile: I'm not sure, unless it's this one student I hate who has a brilliant sense of humor.

4. High School was: my first public school experience.

5. When I'm nervous: my hands shake.

6. The last time I cried was: the other day.

7. If I were to get married right now my bridesmaids/groomsmen would be: uhhh.... I'm not sure.

9. My hair: is getting longer.

10. When I was 5: I was in first grade.

11. Last Christmas I: got a really ugly pink furry jacket.

12. When I turn my head left, I see: a L'Egypte au Louvre poster in my mom's study.

13. I should be: washing my face and brushing my teeth.

14. When I look down I see: my hands on my keyboard.

15. The craziest recent event was: this 13-year-old's birthday party I went to tonight.

16. If I were a character on Friends I'd be: one of the people who sits around at Central Perk and reads books all day.

17. By this time next year: I will be sending out resumes like craaaazy.

18. Current Relationship Status: the happiest I've ever been.

19. I have a hard time understanding: that people do bad things out of their own volition.

20. One time at a family gathering: I had to listen to a story about my grandpa's wife having her impacted bowel loosened. while we were eating.

21. You know I "like" you if: I am very careful around you and tend to blush.

22. If I won an award, the first person(people) I'd thank is/are: the bestowers of the award for considering me worthy.

23. Take my advice: don't take what students say to you personally.

24. My ideal breakfast is: Folgers cafe latte in vanilla vibe, and some apple cinnamon oatmeal with half and half.

25. If you visit my hometown: make sure to find a local Italian restaurant and eat your heart out.

26. Where do you plan to visit anytime soon: Greensboro, in less than a week!!!!!

27. If you spend the night at my house: wear comfy pajamas and be ready to adjust your blankets all night. (the heat is on or off.)

28. I'd stop my wedding if: I found out I was marrying an axe-murderer.

29. The world could do without: extremists of any kind.

30. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than date: someone abusive.

31. Most recent thing you've bought yourself: dark taupe Egyptian cotton towels. :D

32. Most recent thing someone else bought for you: the tip for my food last night.

33. My favorite blonde is: my favorite 5th grade student.

34. My favorite brunette is: myself. I like my hair.

just wait one cotton-picking minute here. WHERE IS THE FAVORITE REDHEAD QUESTION?!?!?!?

35. And by the way: why the hell do sports figures who are responsible solely for entertaining people make millions, but the shapers of the future (i.e. teachers) make about $40k on average?

36: The last time I was high was: in an airplane. literally. 30,000 feet or something, right?

37. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are: monkeys. Think Wizard of Oz.

38. I shouldn't have been: as harsh with my high school chorus at the beginning.

39. Once, at a bar: I drank a white russian and ate a hamburger.

40. Last night I: went out with friends, got really annoyed, went home, read, and slept.

41. There's this boy I know who: had to go to the hospital to have surgery to drain the pus from his abcessed tooth. *barf*

42: I don't know: what the future holds.

43. A better name for me would be: Nebuchednezzar.

44. If I ever go back to school I'll: get my PHD in music theory, and write a semiotic analysis of all of Hindemith's music that was composed during the rise of the Third Reich.

45. How many days until my birthday? Many. many moons.

student of the day

2006-02-09T17:07:00.000-05:00

so, I have one hilarious 6th grader, J. He's the quintessential nerdy white boy, but he has a few talents and moments that knock my socks off.

He kept asking me if he could sing "I Believe I Can Fly" for me. I hate that song. I lived in Philly for 2 years, one of which the Iggles went to the super-bore. During super-bore season, that song was INCESSANT on the radio. I don't care if I ever hear it again.

But.

he wanted to sing it, so I let him.

That boy's got SOUL!!!
Holy shit, can he sing!!!

Funny kid. He also talks back by accident. It's hysterical. The other day (when he sang the Iggles song for me), he also said this,
"Miss B-, if you never do ANYTHING else a student says, promise me this: NEVER let anyone that you teach EVER sing the Concert Etiquette Rap. It's AWFUL!"

He was serious, and it was adorable.

When he plays the piano, he's still playing only one note at a time, but he sways around like Van Cliburn.

He also has told me that I should quit my job and become a comedian, because people would laugh.

But today took the cake. Somehow we started with a conversation about getting a grand piano for the chorus room (he wants us to have one, and I agree, but it'll never happen in these here parts!), and it ended up with a discussion about my house. I know that my house used to be a funeral home, but I also know that my apartment in the house was not the funeral parlor part of the house. But that grossed J out a lot. I told him I liked the place anyway, and he said (very loudly),

"But Miss B-, you live where dead people used to live!"

dead people. used to live.
'nuff said.

I love you, kid.

my songs.

2006-02-01T20:09:00.000-05:00

Trusty Getto tagged me with this. Oddly enough, my 5th graders are doing it too for general music class. They have to pick 5 songs, give me the title and the artist, and tell me why it is important for their lives. Here are some of my songs.

1. "You Are Mine" by David Haas
This is JJ's and my song. JJ brought me back to church, in a way, and this is one of my favorite worship songs. It also describes a lot of the dynamic that the two of us have had through time.
I will come to you in the silence,
I will lift you from all your fear.
You will hear my voice,
I claim you as my choice.
Be still and know I am here.
I am hope for all who are hopeless,
I am eyes for all who long to see.
In the shadows of the night
I will be your light
Come and rest in me.
Do not be afraid, I am with you.
I have called you each by name.
Come and follow me;
I will bring you home.
I love you and you are mine.

There are two more verses, but the first section of the song is what gets me most.

2. "Sweetest Decline" by Beth Orton

My friend Joe put this on a CD mix for me while I was in Philly. It's a beautiful song. The first Friday night that I went out with some people from school and made some new friends, this song was playing on the radio. I can still see driving across the bridge to get to Lydia's Tavern...

3. "Come Away With Me" by Norah Jones

This song is so romantic to me. It reminds me of what I hope for with JJ.

4. "Sweet Baby James" by James Taylor

My father used to play his guitar and sing this song to me and my brother as children. We also used to travel a lot as a family, in the car. These are the lines that make me think so strongly of Dad and our car-time:
There's a song that they sing when they take to the highway,
a song that they sing when they take to the sea.
There's a song that they sing of their home in the sky.
Maybe you can believe it if it helps you to sleep,
but singing works just fine for me...

I have more songs, and they are coming. But for now, this is what I have, because I am tired and want to relax.

broken.

2006-01-24T16:26:00.000-05:00

I have felt myself breaking down in the past week or so.
Now I'm broken.
I'm at the bottom, and the trip up to the top is so. very. steep.
I am so overwhelmed that I can't even bring myself to pick up the metaphorical bike and start to walk.
I just want to go to sleep.
I don't want to wake up.
at all.
ever.

I don't want to be right now.
No matter how many good things I try to concentrate on, it doesn't matter.
I just don't want to be.

I am broken

and I sure as hell don't care about fixing myself.

I just want to sleep.

If I can't sleep,
I want to be held and loved.

But I can't have or do either.

Once a Cranie, always a Cranie.

2006-01-23T12:18:00.000-05:00

So I'll be going back.

I got my bachelor's degree in music education from the Crane School of Music in Potsdam, NY (for those of you who don't know already). I liked it there. Sure, I bitched about it, and I swore that I'd never be ready for teaching in the real world after being there, but...

Then I went to Temple.

Thank you, Temple, for one thing: making me realize how good I had it before.

So I left Temple. I am infinitely lucky that I'm able to do this.

And then I called Crane.

Glenn Guiles, now the associate dean, once my oboe professor, got on the phone with me. And he remembered me. And he was excited to hear from me. And he listened to part of my predicament, sent me the paperwork promptly, and said that he'll look forward to seeing me in the summer. And, of course, made the obligatory three dry jokes that I actually find funny.

I am so lucky.

I know it won't be the same as it used to be. When I was there, the Commons (music school cafeteria thing) was a dark, cavernous place in which students ate. Now it looks more like a hospital cafeteria, with skylights and more space.

The green room no longer exists. I remember Thursday night jam sessions there.

Snell has non-clashing paint colors. Back when I was there, the carpet was rust-colored, the railings and doors were lime-green, and the walls in the lobby were cinderblock painted with some hybrid of dark purple and dark brown (yeccch), which was the butt of many jokes (no pun intended). Now it's pretty.

Evidently there are "posters" somewhere. I don't know where.

I wonder if the practice room that grew mushrooms still has mushrooms, or if it's been refurbished.

I'm told Andrews has a beard.

And I know it will never be the same as undergrad. I'm pretty positive the flute players are better to a degree of scariness, and that I'd never make orchestra now. People might not get it if you talk about Dr. Woy and his "dah-wahs" during clarinet tech. And I'm told Kim Wangler no longer teaches bassoon tech.

So it will be different.

But it will give me a masters degree, and I know I can count on them. Crane profs don't lie at the expense of their students. I can actually go to the dean and expect support if I think I'm being treated unfairly. Professors have regular office hours and are actually in their offices more than just their office hours.

Oh yeah, and they actually care about teaching, too.

I'm looking forward to this.

decision.

2006-01-22T22:42:00.000-05:00

Well, a decision was made, and,

no dog.

The idea originally came when JJ found the two pretty little girls (seen below) available as retirees from a breeding program. She thought she'd get one, and I thought it'd be awfully nice to have the other, and that way they'd get to see each other once in a while. Things were brewing along nicely, and JJ called the owner to talk to her about the doggies, and asked about coming out to see them and pick them up in person instead of having them shipped.

I can't imagine the levels of stress that must be inflicted when a dog gets shipped. I just can't think it's humane in the least.

Well, in the conversation, JJ found out that
they live in a barn (not good for min-pins. In fact, the min-pin book I have says that they should not be outdoor dogs in any circumstance).
and she got a small gut feeling that the lady was operating a...

puppy mill.

And then I looked at their stomachs in the pictures.

And then I remembered Michel's comment that they looked a little ill-at-ease.

And I felt terrible about it.

But no dog. One part of me wants to take those girls away from all that, but another part of me worries about how much work it would be to "rescue" these dogs that would never be truly ours.

Someday, I will have a doggie. Just not now.

things are brewing...

2006-01-17T16:02:00.000-05:00

...and I can't give any definitive answers yet, and I can't be sure about anything, and I'm scared to death to "jinx" anything, but here is a hint (or two, rather). Their names are Hope (left) and Bubbett (right).

Please send hope that at least one of them works out. I know I'm praying!

recuperate

2006-01-14T12:08:00.000-05:00

so I spent my very first two sick days ever.

Sometime in the wee-sma's between Wednesday and Thursday, I got SICK. I ended my 15-year no-barfing streak. :( Thursday was physically awful, but JJ was patient with me and took good care of me over the phone while I whined about how miserable I was.

I wanted to go back to school on Friday (sorta), but I was barfy once more on Thursday afternoon, so I decided not to go in. I know I probably could have gone in, but I might have relapsed. Instead I spent the day resting and feeling otherwise grumpy and bored.

Today I fully believe I'm better. I'm hungry (a good thing!), food has been kept down overnight, and other than a stuffy nose, I feel fine. The stuffy nose completely sucks, but it's also not exactly my fault.

I am also learning something lately that needs to stick into my subconscious. It's in my conscious, but I'm not sure if it's made it into the other one yet:

There are ups and downs of life, of love, of relationships, of friendships. You can't "fix" them instantaneously, and that's okay. But you do need to give them time and patience and wait them out. Things will happen the way they're supposed to. Just trust in time.

If I can beat that into my subconscious, that will be fantastic. I'm hoping I can.

Off to blow my nose and eat scrambled eggs. yum!

cluck.

2006-01-10T15:07:00.000-05:00

I'm sure this is entirely too irreverent for many people, and the only reason I'm giggling about this is because if I don't laugh, I'll cry, but... here goes.

Today on NPR, they reported that bird flu has been found in several children (3 of whom died).

These children are/were in

TURKEY.

So now, official people are going door-to-door, asking people to surrender their chickens.

Turkish people are resisting turning over their chickens, because the chickens are a valuable source of income.

So.

Bird flu.
in TURKEY.
and you aren't allowed to have a CHICKEN in TURKEY.

Who said God didn't have a sense of irony?

meme from Trusty Getto

2006-01-08T15:14:00.000-05:00

Here we go! If you want a "real" update, see the previous post.

Four jobs you’ve had in your life:

food service at Lupo's spiedies (www.spiedies.com)
grocery store cashier at Giant (www.giantmarkets.com)
orchestra librarian for the Crane School of Music (www.potsdam.edu/CRANE)
Choral director and general music teacher in Hancock, NY (http://hancock.stier.org)

Four Movies that you would watch over and over:

The Wizard of Oz
Save the Last Dance
Shine
A Beautiful Mind

Four TV shows you love to watch:

NCIS
M*A*S*H
Law and Order (in all its incarnations)
Cold Case

Four places you have been on vacation:

Paris, France
Florida (the requisite childhood Disney extravaganza)
Washington, DC
Cincinnati, OH

Four websites you visit daily:

Four of your favorite foods:

"Grandpa hash" - ham hock, green beans, onions, and potatoes all stewed together into comforting goodness.
creme brulee
red wine
potatoes in nearly any form

Four places you would rather be right now:

Greensboro, NC
Paris, France
dreamland
somewhere pretty in the Rocky Mountains.

I am tagging:

2006-01-08T11:08:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, the following good things happened:

my students overcame adverse circumstances and got a real lesson in versatility when they auditioned for the senior high all-county chorus.
I handled the adverse circumstances professionally and graciously, and thanked the judges profusely for their help in the problem.
I ate a yummy lunch at Friday's with them and laughed and had a good time.
I learned some new (popular) music that is waaay cool, thanks be to my students.
I sang Pink Floyd songs with Jeremy on the way back to school.
I went to church and got to sing pretty music and play my flute with John.
I was able to be gracious and friendly to the priest at church, whom I don't particularly love.
I had dinner with some friends I haven't seen in ages, thus keeping a new year's resolution. We did a cooperative dinner effort and ate delicious food. I made yummy chicken, Donnina made tasty potatoes and green beans, and John put ice cream in bowls. John also provided his house, so we let him off the hook for responsibility.
John fell asleep under the table while watching a movie, which made us all laugh.
Cinnamon the weiner dog greeted me with love and affection when I came home.
Two BEAUTIFUL cards from JJ were waiting for me when I got to my parents' house.
I got to talk to JJ for a long time, and sort out some inner stupidities of my brain. Let's hope the sorting sticks!
the J.Crew catalog came - perfect drooling fodder!
Friday was payday, so I went through the day knowing that I had money. :)

I'm trying to look at the positive, because I got super-bummed last night. Getting bummed is poisonous, and a vicious cycle. It makes even the good things seem bad.

I have so much to be thankful for. I need to keep that in mind every day.

I was *going* to add pictures, but this computer (not mine) is being quirky, so... I'm not going to after all.

resolve.

2006-01-03T12:20:00.000-05:00

Tis the season for resolutions, fa la la la la, la la la la!

This year, I resolve to:

be true to myself, and learn to like myself.
get back in contact with friends with whom I've lost contact, and stay in touch with them diligently. People have put up with my tendency to disappear far too long now.
keep my domicile and classroom neater and more orderly. They're both clean, but... cluttered. Fix that.

The first one is more of a long-term goal. I hope I can do it.

Cinnamon likes bread pudding. So does JJ.

photos, photos everywhere.

2005-12-30T15:43:00.000-05:00

Christmas Eve at Grandpa's was great. I'm going to *try* to put up the Meyer family photos, but I can only hope that they work!

First, there's Grandpa. The sweetest man in the universe. He looks a little tired and stressed here, because Christmas Eve is a VERY confusing and crazy time. But he loves it. Don't let him fool you. :)

Of course, Aunt Janice was there with her camcorder, ready to record everything. Our most embarrassing moments were caught on tape, naturally. This particular picture is of her recording my father taking her picture. When she saw this picture, her immediate response was, "nice nostrils!"

The man in the middle is Uncle Jimmy. He's one of the two most mocked people in the family. One year, Uncle David gave Jimmy a car muffler for Christmas. Since then, the gag gifts for Jimmy have gotten worse and worse. This year it was three pieces of cheese and a Wendy's fork glued to a paper plate. The year before that, it was sporks. Next year, it will be a box of broken glass. My father broke the crystal wine glasses I was going to give to Aunt Janice, so we're just going to tape the box shut (so no shards get out) and re-wrap it. It will be a smash!

Naturally, I sat and laughed heartily at the festivities with my Uncle Pat and my cousin Katie (not shown here, because my dad didn't read my mind and get a photo of them).

Cinnamon was mostly well-behaved, but begged for the occasional cookie and curled up on the couch after the party for a loooooong nap.

More pictures to follow!

2005 in review

2005-12-28T20:20:00.000-05:00

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before? taught in Hancock.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't even remember. Too much changed.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? no, but many got pregnant.

4. Did anyone close to you die? not that I can remember.

5. What countries did you visit? ye olde USA

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? self-esteem, self-love, self-assuredness, self-confidence... whatever you call that mishmash of stuff. a lack of self-hatred would be best.

7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? The Friday before Thanksgiving, because it made me realize just how precious life is.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? inspiring some of my students.

9. What was your biggest failure? B&A, my worst students. I feel I failed them.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? my stomach got all acid-refluxy, I got 3256794034.2 colds, and I needed Prozac again. But I was never unable to do my job.

11. What was the best thing you bought? my slammin' oak table. :D

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? my own, when I was able to manage my classes effectively.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? my students'. Not all of them. (do we sense a pattern here?)

14. Where did most of your money go? school clothes, food, rent, and bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? making an October trip to Greensboro.

16. What song will always remind you of 2005? I don't know.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? lonelier.
ii. thinner or fatter? thinner.
iii. richer or poorer? money-wise richer; home-life-wise, poorer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? focus on the good things, and be grateful.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? wallowing in self-pity.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? with the extended family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2005? all over again, every day.

22. How many one-night stands? one, sort of. I won't call it a one-night stand as much as I'd call it a mistake that happened for a reason and put a lot of things into perspective.

23. What was your favorite TV program? NCIS and M*A*S*H

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Not so much hate, but rather loathe: B&A.

25. What was the best book you read? The Mitford series so far. I love them. But I liked a LOT of books this year, and can't even begin to remember them all.

26. What was the worst book you read? The Virgin Suicides. Not my can of Dr. Pepper. However, it's an excellent book. Just not my favorite.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? playing my flute again. It was like reattaching a limb I hadn't realized I'd lost.

28. What did you want and get? a job

29. What did you want and not get? my masters degree

30. What was your favorite film of this year? I'm not sure. I really enjoyed Harry Potter IV though.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I went to school and did my job, and then babysat a friend's kids while she had to go to the hospital for her fiance. I was 25. Still am.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Learning how to like myself.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005? stylish schoolteacher meets college casual? I don't know. I live in grungo-clothes on the weekends/breaks but I dress for school in virtually the same idea every day: slacks and a blouse.

34. What kept you sane? Nighttime talks with JJ. She keeps me grounded.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Alan Alda.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? inclusion of special ed kids in the "regular" classroom. But that's been an issue for years.

37. Who did you miss? JJ and my great-grandmother.

38. Who was the best new person you met? Carmella and Karley and Kelly.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005: Take it one day at a time, and don't let the kids make you cry.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: (I italicized the stuff that I feel is most important)

i do it for the joy it brings
because i'm a joyful girl
because the world owes me nothing
and we owe each other the world
i do it because it's the least i can do
i do it because i learned it from you
i do it just because i want to
because I want to
everything i do is judged
and they mostly get it wrong
but oh well
'cuz the bathroom mirror has not budged
and the woman who lives there can tell
the truth from the stuff that they say
and she looks me in the eye
and says would you prefer the easy way?
no, well o.k. then
don't cry
and i wonder if everything i do
i do instead
of something i want to do more
the question fills my head
i know that there's no grand plan here
this is just the way it goes
and when everything else seems unclear
i guess at least i know
i do it for the joy it brings...
-ani difranco

Christmas Eve

2005-12-24T15:47:00.000-05:00

Today is Christmas Eve, and here my family is in Cincinnati, spending quality time with our relatives. I promise to have a make-fun-of-my-family, Thurber-esque essay upon my return to the snowy land of Upstate New York, but today is a day to be grateful.

Things I love about my family:

1. Christmas Eve. We all go to Grandpa's and unwrap presents and go crazy. It's loud, obnoxious, and fun.
2. My grandpa. He's among the nicest people that ever lived. My dad says he's pathologically nice.
3. My mom and my aunt together. They get together and bitch at each other and cuss freely, and the dynamic the two of them have is downright amazing. They're fun to watch together.
4. Uncle Pat. The coolest Uncle that ever was, who is letting me sleep in his house. He's also a M*A*S*H fan, so we are VERY compatible! He's also quietly insane; he claims that he invented bananas (originally called "yellow fatty beans" )and turned cats and dogs against each other.
5. Midnight mass at the cathedral. It's a first this year. Greg (brother) and Dad and I are going. It should be spectacularly Catholic. My kind of mass. I'll be bodaciously gorgeous and elegant in my red Thai silk shirt that Dad had made for me about 4 years ago.
6. NOT having to sleep at Grandpa and Judy's. Judy will be the main topic of my Thurber-inspired essay.
7. The accent. They say their O's and U's differently than I do (because they live here and I grew up elsewhere), and I love it. It's warm and round and comfortable.

Things I am hoping for:
1. lots of incense at the mass tonight.
2. my cousin Katie to be at Christmas Eve. (haven't seen her in years)
3. my cousin Alex to be at Christmas Eve.
4. Montgomery Inn food at some point this visit. YUM.

photos to follow, I hope.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL!

look no further than the mirror

2005-12-20T16:31:00.000-05:00

If what they say is true, that those who annoy us most are extensions of our own selves, then I'm scared.

The people that annoy me most are pretty scary people. People I want to be nothing like. At all.

It frightens me to think that I may be just like that.

How annoying and self-centered and snotty am I? What kind of terribly inconsiderate and nasty person am I? How terribly lazy and bad at teaching am I? Am I as uncaring and cruel as the people who annoy me seem to be? I already know I'm possessive. I know I can be pretty hypocritical. These I admit freely.

But I hope like heck that I'm not mean.

I'm scared of myself. I don't want to inflict any of these things on the world.

grrr

2005-12-16T22:46:00.000-05:00

Tonight, at the end of the night, I found myself grumpy.
I figure this is up for self-psychoanalysis, so here goes.
Today was a snow day!! so I was in a decent mood. It all started as a two-hour delay at 6 am that evolved into a snow day by 7:30. In between phone-tree calls, I napped. Before it was a snow day but after it was a two-hour delay, I was the most unmotivated teacher I've ever known myself to be. The ideas of starting the day late, fighting a weirdly displaced schedule, and dealing with kids who would have massive behavior problems that day made me feel this way. So when Roberta (my phone-tree caller) called and said, "yeah, we're closed today," that was all I needed to brighten my mood.
I slept until 10:30 or so. At that point, my head was pounding a bit (dang-blasted air pressure changes!), so I got out of bed and sat around in my rubber-duckie pajamas until noon or so.
The day passed rather idyllically (is that a word?); I came to my parents once I knew the roads were okay, I did some laundry, and I lounged on the couch with the weenie dog. Plus I got to talk to JJ for a long time, which was a surprise, since she's in New Mexico and thus has an incredibly busy schedule.
Anyway.
I had plans to go out to dinner with some local Endicott-type friends, and I was excited, because I knew I'd be giving them their Christmas presents (a Darth-Vader Mr. Potato head for Al and Garrett, and a gift certificate for Al's wife Danielle). We were planning on Friday's or Outback for dinner, but Danielle flipped when we got there, because it was too crowded.
A piece of background info: Danielle has fibromyalgia, which is a terrible, horrible disease. I feel for her every day. At the same time, though, Al placates her and coddles her so much that it almost makes matters worse. As a result, Danielle has taken to pulling little "stunts" when things don't go exactly the way she wants.

Example/case-in-point: Once upon a time, we went to the mall, and I had to grab a book from the bookstore. It was "too far" for her to walk to the bookstore, so I ran ahead, grabbed the book, and came back to where they were. Danielle then said that her back was starting to hurt, so we'd better go home. As we were on our way out the door, we passed New York & Company (quite a wonderful store!). Danielle decided she should just check the clearance rack "real fast" in case they had any good bargains. The next 30 minutes, her back was decidedly better and didn't bother her at all.

Back to present.
Tonight the food took longer than normal at our restaurant (we decided on a local non-chain place that is actually quite tasty and fun), and our waitress was decent, but not as bend-over-backward-to-kiss-our-ass as Al expects a waitress to be when he tells them that Danielle is handicapped. Al expected her to walk around the table the long way to deliver our food (to avoid the possible chance of bumping Danielle, which would evidently cause a big problem), which the waitress did for the large order, but she didn't when she brought out drinks or a salad (small potatoes). So Al was angry the whole time about that, and Danielle kept condemning the waitress for being inconsiderate.
This got to me, because, frankly, I'm tired of discussing the devastation of fibromyalgia every time I go out to eat.
So I quieted down and just ate my dinner. I was asked what was wrong, so I answered that I was just kind of run down and tired, and expected the subject to be dropped. But then was the catalyst for the real bitchiness that was about to enter my being:
Danielle actually said, "Don't be bummed, Emily, or you'll bring me down with you."
Not "don't be bummed because I care about you" or "don't be bummed just because," but the reason I'm not supposed to be bummed or annoyed is because it might just inconvenience her.

That pissed me off.
Needless to say, I didn't say anything (I hate making a scene anymore), and I finished my dinner quietly and left the waitress a rather generous tip, because A & D didn't leave her one at all. Then I went to Target and bought myself cloud pajamas and thermal underwear and a book, and now I feel slightly better.
A & D wanted me to come over and watch some movie with them, but I told them I was "just really tired" so I thought I'd go home after Target.
So I lied.
I think the reason I'm bitchy about this is because of
internal conflict
about the whole thing. I feel guilt about being annoyed at D's behavior, but at the same time, I feel so sorry that anyone has to live her life with so many inconveniences. I feel angry that anyone has to suffer that much. I feel skepticism about some of her problems from time to time, because I see how she uses her problems as a convenient way to get out of doing things she doesn't want to do. And I feel ignorant because I know that no matter how much I try, I will never quite understand any of it.

When I feel multiple emotions, I act grumpy. I think it's because my brain doesn't know how to filter them all out and understand them and make peace with them.

So now it is time to make peace:
I don't understand. That is all right.
I was a good friend tonight, because I made sure not to upset anyone, because I knew it would only wind up in hurt.
I need to rest now so that I can do the work I need to do tomorrow.
It is okay to feel multiple emotions. It's even okay to express them in appropriate situations.
And now my skiing rubber duckies are telling me to get some sleep.

good night, moon.

Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: "For Good" from Wicked... in my head

all-county

2005-12-11T12:52:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I took 3 of my girls to All-County auditions. (It was supposed to be 4, but the 4th didn't show up because she was ineligible because she decided to avoid doing her English paper and thus fail English for a while and thus not be allowed to participate...)

So we drove from Hancock to Binghamton and did the auditions, and they were all angst-ridden because the judges were tough, and because they thought they hadn't done well. They did the best they could. The music was obscenely difficult (Mozart Alleluia that has this huuuuuge arpeggio melisma from F4 to G5 at a pretty quick tempo), especially for 7th graders, and even though we had practiced, they were nervous as all get-out. They were out of their element.But these three girls taught me a lot yesterday. Their clean, excited impressions of the area I grew up in were amazing.As we rounded a bend in the road (Kamikaze Curve to be exact), the old Psych Center castle came into view ( http://nysasylum.com/bia.htm ), and T exclaimed, "wow! look at that mansion! Holy cow! I want to live there!" When I explained that it was the old mental hospital building, she said, "I don't care, I'm gonna live there, it's beautiful."

They were totally fun during the auditions, and because they had been good, I decided to use my gift certificates to TGI Friday's as a treat for them. (They each had $5 for lunch, and so I told them to give me their $5, and I'd treat them for the rest since I had gift certificates.)This was clearly the fanciest restaurant they had ever been to. Their overwhelmed reaction to the menu, and their surprise at the food was amazing. It was worth it just to see the look on the one girl's face.

Sometimes I forget where my students are coming from. This day reminded me, and reminded me of how much I learn from them.

It was worth that gift certificate and more.

local color.

2005-12-06T19:16:00.000-05:00

Local color ANYWHERE amuses me. I love observing little unwritten rules and inside jokes about a place. Where I grew up is wonderful for local color. Here's a list that's been circulating among my friends. I've added my annotations in italics for anyone who actually is planning on reading this.

You know you're from Binghamton when...

- You know how to say and the pronunciation of the 2 rivers in town. Susquehanna and Chenango. 'nuff said. Not as good as Oswegatchie, but still.
- You had DARE in school but still did some kind of drug when you got older. Drug Abuse Resistance Education!
- you know what the mascot for Grippen Park is. Some cartoon dinosaur, I think. Same thing with Otseningo park.
- you remember when the Town Square Mall was a drive in. I think I actually went there, too. Now it's a big sprawl-plaza complete with Wal-Mart, Barnes and Noble, Sam's Club, Pet Depot, TJ Maxx, Office Max, etc. Virtually the entire area is there on Saturday afternoons.
- you remember where Fudrucker's used to be and flip out when you seeone outside of town. I have no clue about this one. Nor do many of my friends. But maybe other people know it.
- Have a very strong opinion in the Lupos vs. Salamida's debate. Lupo's all the way, baby. www.spiedies.com
- You know that just because Blue Ridge has a snow day, doesn't mean you're getting one. Yeah, Blue Ridge; those wimps close at a flake.
- you have heard (and believe) the Greg Catlin hamster story. Too gross for me. Cardboard tube and hamster in butt, hamster gets lost, friend lights match for light, catches gas pocket, hamster comes out butt powered by natural gas explosion and lands in some guy's face.
- your always concerned that the ice won't be thick enough for theCrappie Derby. Dear God, no!!!
- you would never mix up Owego and Oswego. Darn tootin'! Oswego's in Western Northern NY. Owego's in the Southern Tier. Dummies.
- you think of the State Office Building as our skyscraper. all five stories.
- your elementary school went on a field trip to Frost Valley. where true coming of age occurs.
- you drive to PA for gas, cigarettes, and clothes. It's cheaper there, and only 20 minutes away. Why not?
- You can't listen to the song "I'm so Excited" without busting in at the appropriate time with "Jack Sherman Toyota, SUPERSTORE!" The sick thing is, I really can't.
- you're still shoveling snow in June. This is exaggerated. May, maybe. But not June. Usually.
- you remember Pudgie's. Baaaaaad pizza.
- you know where Endicott ends and Endwell begins. it's a fuzzy line, but you can kind of FEEL it when you change over.
- you have been places out of town that served Crowley products and proudly proclaimed that the yogurt is from where you're from. Good stuff, too. We use it as a generic. Other places it's a name brand.
- you still don't know what business is inside that lighthouse in Endicott. That's because it changes practically every month!
- you can tell where people live by the first three digits of their phone number. Easily. 785 is a long way from 754.
- someone you went to high school with works at Tzers and Madame Oars. Local strip joint.
- you have always wondered what the hell was in the Vestal Museum. Hell, I didn't even know there WAS a Vestal museum! Maybe they keep virgins there.
- more than one of your teachers in elementary school taught your parents. This would be true if I were not a transplant. People say you're not REALLY from Binghamton until you've been established for a couple generations.
- you have serious ethical problems calling it "Greater Binghamton." Well, no fooling. It's Binghamton, for Pete's sake.
- you consider being stuck in traffic more than five minutes a "traffic jam." It is.
- you've driven around the traffic circle more than once at a time just for fun. I did until they reconstructed it. Now it's more confusing than ever. Newcomers can actually get lost on it now. But they reconstructed it to make it easier.
- you know what NYPENN is and what it used to be. It's a "trade center" in an old high school building. I wish I could've seen the old school.
- you driven Kamikaze Curve and survived. Easily. But I love the name. Now they're talking about straightening it out. That would ruin my highway driving experience.
- you know who the phone number 797-9960 calls...and the tune that goes along with it. Brozetti's Pizza. Take-out only, they don't deliver. Customer service at its finest.
- You will never be able to call it I86, always 17. Of course. Because it won't BE I-86 until they straighten out Kamikaze Curve.
- You remember when a Crabb was mayor. Yeah. Good ol' Juanita. What a fantastic name. Juanita Crabb.
- When someone says "Enjoy", you think of a golf course. Yeah, but we also spell it "Enjoie." It's also right across from Our Lady of Good Counsel Church, or OLGC for short. Our Lady of the Golf Course.
- You still, to this day, don't know what Parlor City means. Come to think of it...
- You know how pronounce "Appalachin." repeat after me: apple-ACHE-in.
- You never call it "Johnson City," its always "JC."
- You worked at one of the 3,247 Giant Markets in the area. Pure, unadulterated hell. I made $5.15/hr after 3 years there, too. Every full-time Giant worker I know qualifies for WIC.
- You can properly pronounce the name of famed Binghamton Whaler's goalie Peter Siedorkowiecz. Your point?
- this road sign makes perfect sense to you: BOCES BR DEV CTR BOCES, Broome Developmental Center. But BOCES might be lost on most people. It's a vocational program called Board of Cooperative Educational Services. People who don't want to go to high school often go to BOCES.
- Most of your family's glassware was acquired at a bazaar Dime Pitch. of course.
- you used to save up your money for the park candy stand. that was part of going to the park. And then you saved the wrapper for a ride on the carousel.
- you used to buy candy at the Salvage Outlet.
- You know where to buy buttons for First Night. More importantly, I know when to buy them before the prices go up.
- your house has a fountain in the front yard, a vineyard on the sideand the Virgin Mary in the back. True, but mostly only in Endicott, and then mostly on the North Side.
- You have seen an 80 year old cowboy that wears baby blue wandering thestreets aimlessly with a toy gun. He's a great guy.
- You don't care for Hooters anymore now that there is a local one. Yeah, but I've always wanted to go in and ask for a job application. (note: I don't even fill an A-cup.)
- Nothing angers you more then people you spell Binghamton with a P in it! Bing had a Ham and the Ham weighed a Ton. Jeez!
- you have been to all the bars on State Street. Not really, because they all suck.
- you have had to leave your car in the parking ramp downtown because you were to drunk to drive. And it's pry the only town where you don't get towed for it.
- You are related to someone who works (or worked) at IBM. Of course. IBM started in Endicott.
- You are related to someone who used to work at "EJ." Endicott Johnson. Only for natives. Not transplants like me.
- You got excited when you saw an EJ Shoes store outside of the area. Well, yeah. I still remember the factory. Way cool.
- You grew up in an "EJ House." They're good houses.
- You have always known what "EJ" stands for. Endicott-Johnson.
- you remember when the Binghamton Senators were the BC Icemen were the Binghamton Rangers were the Binghamton Whalers were the Broome Dusters. Anywhere else, it would confuse people.
- Your idea of the ultimate date is dinner at Number 5. Which used to be a fire station. Good food. But I'd rather go to some hole-in-the-wall Italian place in Endicott.

it's over

2005-12-02T13:29:00.000-05:00

Well, concert 1 came and went. It's done.

Last night at 7 pm, I started flapping my arms and playing piano and shmoozing to the audience. At about 8:15, I was finished.

I was mostly pleased with the singing, especially my MS chorus, who acts like animals, but has an incredible amount of talent behind them.

But. the. behavior.

After the MS kids sang, they were all over the aisles during other numbers, while their parents watched passively and thought about what little darlings their children were. I was busy flapping, so I wasn't able to stop and tell some of them to sit down.

One girl was in the aisle right as I was about to sing, and at that point, I was at my wit's end. So I walked up to her and smiled very sweetly as I said, "sit down before I flunk you." Her response was an indignant "all right!" and then she huffed off to her seat. I should mention that her mother was in the front row during all this.

Brat.

But it went better than I thought it would go. I'm as proud as I can be, musically speaking.

Today they watched a tape of their concert and had to fill out a sheet about concert behavior and how they can improve musically. I will read them tonight over food with my band-director friend (in a different district). We do this often, and share the most horrific sentences with each other. It will be interesting, to say the least.

Come soon, weekend. I need you.

concert

2005-12-01T12:56:00.000-05:00

Tonight is my first concert.

Every adjective for insanely, irrationally, deathly nervous comes to mind.

I am all of those things.

I can't take a middle-schooler's joke today... and stuff is not rolling off my back. It's just irritating me.

I need time to myself to prepare for this. Not musically, not physically. Emotionally.

Then tomorrow is hellish kindergartener and hellish 4th grader day.

If tomorrow were NOT Friday, I'd be a lot grumpier. But it is, so I'm not.

I'm worrying about things beyond my control again. Oh well.

I'll be wearing my bodacious black dress that I haven't touched since undergrad (dear God, I hope it still fits), and my black dressy shoes. And earrings and makeup.

yeccch.

But I'll be charming tonight. Really I will.

back to the grind

2005-11-27T12:27:00.000-05:00

Well, Thanksgiving was wonderful, fabulous, enjoyable, and quite filling, but now it's Sunday afternoon, which means it's back to the daily grind. And we're not talking coffee.

In my innate inability to keep track of dates, I forgot about several things that are happening the week of my first concert:

a half-day of school, and thus shortened rehearsals that day
a day where the entire middle school chorus will miss class because they'll be on a field trip
parent conferences from 1-8 pm on the half-day of school

Fun. Plus I just got myself another cold (do all teachers go through this perma-plague the first year?) and so I don't feel so hot. Good news is that I have a doc's appointment on Wednesday that will get me my long-overdue girly exam, a flu shot, and a general physical/meds recheck. And that way I'll get more of the magic stomach pills too.

Now, to stop complaining, because I have many a good thing to talk about too. In keeping with the Thanksgiving cliché, here are the things for which I am thankful:

JJ coming up to visit. It was wonderful to see her again, and to hug her and physically feel that she's alive and well.
Dad's fabulously amazing cooking. He outdoes himself every time he gets near the stove.
Good friends and funny games. (Ever play Dirty Minds? It's a hoot.)
going on a small shopping excursion with my mom and JJ on Black Friday. We had a good, girly day. (Home Depot + Tom's + Bad Breath and Beyond = fun shopping!)
Mama Giuseppa's and the dinners they serve there (That was Saturday.)
The new Harry Potter movie
Barnes and Noble

Soon I hope to have pictures of the aftermath of our Black-Friday dinner of Dad's famous potroast, but I have to wait until he finishes messing with the photos.

So. For now, that is all. I'm off to buy necessities at ye olde Targete, and then I'm off to relax for a few hours before heading back home.

happy birthday

2005-11-21T13:50:00.000-05:00

...to me.

So far, a good day.

One more class to teach.

After that, I'm going home and drinking wine as much as I want, and lounging in my pj pants, and being blissfully sloth-like.

Being the stay-inside person that I am, this is perfect birthday celebration for me. Some may choose to party, but I choose to stay home and snuggle and do whatever the heck I want.

Tomorrow is chamber choir and show choir and kindergarten and first grade, and then it is Thanksgiving break.

Thanksgiving break brings JJ and Uncle Pat and brother to me, and hours of vegetation, surrounded by family.

This is my favorite week of the year.

Now, if only it would get good and cold and start snowing, but not while people are trying to travel.

Then it would be perfect.

wake-up call

2005-11-19T19:20:00.000-05:00

Last night something terrible happened to JJ.

You can read about it here.

She is so strong, and so put-together about it. I would never be this rational after the fact.

These are her reflections about the ordeal.

I think it's important that people read her blogs about this.

And I think it's important that people buy DeBecker's book The Gift of Fear.

Here's the book.

Please protect yourself and be aware.

My best friend just became a statistic and a survivor.

This is important.

Get away from my site and onto hers.

Go.

first poem in ages

2005-11-17T16:47:00.000-05:00

Tonight the stars were so clear
thrown across the sky
breathtakingly precise in their randomness
and brightly sparkling
against the deepest dark

i thought about taking a picture of them
as i stood there staring
thinking of us hand-in-hand
under the nightness
sharing Polaris and Orion

i wish i could send you the stars.

c. 2005, EMB

piano music

2005-11-13T12:36:00.000-05:00

So I know this guy Malcolm, who's a composer-pianist-music director at a church. He has some published music out there(click here) that's really quite fantastic.

I had his email address a while back, and I just sent him an email that waxed rhapsodic about how much I loved his music. It just bounced back, which tells me that his email address is definitely different.

I have to get it off my chest somewhere.

So, Malcolm,

it's been a while. I know it's been a while. When I left Rotterdam/Schenectady with all my vows to stay in touch with such wonderful people, I never thought life would come up behind me, whack me upside the head, and land me in the situations I'm in lately.

But they're mostly good... even though they're still my excuse for disappearing.

The catalyst for my writing to you: a senior-citizen's luncheon on Thursday at 1:10 pm in the Hancock Central School cafeteria. (I'm the choral director/peon/musical slave there.) I'm supposed to provide about 10 minutes of music for the cute little old ladies (and perhaps old men). So I'm having my chamber choir sing their concert program, and I thought that since I don't have any classes in the afternoon, I'll just sit and play a few carols on ye olde piano(e) and make 'em smile into their gravy... even though it's a bit premature for Christmas music, that's what they want for music.

Of course I thought of you and your Piano Reflections. So I dug 'em out of my file cabinet, started playing, and had a grand time. "Away in a Manger" is beautiful, poignant, peaceful... everything it should be. "What Child is This" is still my father's favorite Christmas carol because of you.

and then there's "Silent Night."

I know from you telling me that you simplified it for publication for piano-morons like me (and trust me, it's plenty difficult simplified - I bow reverently in awe of your ability to play this and think it up!), but I'm almost glad you did simplify it, because

it is perfect.

You outdid yourself. Every time I fumble through it, I'm just amazed at its... organic wholeness (to borrow a term from aesthetics class).

I'm obsessed with it. It's wonderful. I'm in awe (I think I said that already, but I am).

THANK YOU for writing it.
Thank you even more for publishing it!!!!!!!!!!!

Amazing, amazing, amazing.

Go buy Malcolm's music. Especially his piano arrangements of Christmas carols.

weenies!

2005-11-12T11:11:00.000-05:00

If you want to see a dog that looks and acts EXACTLY like my mom's dachshund, there's a petsmart commercial that does it. And it's so darn funny.

Watch the commercial on this page (upper right corner)

It's the cutest thing.

It cracks me up.

How far?

2005-11-09T12:34:00.000-05:00

It appears that the middle-schoolers here are having a bad week. It has been crazy. Normally if I keep them busy, they stay under control. Now it's getting out of hand. I'd swear that yesterday was cursed. And I'm not the only teacher noticing this.

Anyway.

I met with my principal yesterday about a previous observation, and we talked good things, bad things, in-between things... and classroom management. He gave me something to think about:

How far does a student have to go to get in trouble? Where's my line? How does one cross that line?

I thought this would be an easy question to answer, and I'm finding that it's not.

I don't know where my line is. I just know when it's crossed.

Guess I'd better find it.

meme, stolen from Alex

2005-11-06T10:37:00.000-05:00

In your life, have you ever...

crashed a friend's car: no
stolen a car: no
been in love: yes
been dumped : yes
shoplifted: sort of. I stole a piece of gum when I was 8 but then had to give it back.
been fired: no
been in a fist fight: no
snuck out of your parent's house: yes
had feelings for someone who didn't have themback: yes
been arrested : no
gone on a blind date : yes
lied to a friend: yes
skipped school: not high school, but a couple times in college.
seen someone die: no
had a crush on one of your internet friends: no
been to Canada: yes. Oh, Canada...
been to Europe: yes
been to Mexico: only the new one.
been on a plane: many times.
purposely set a part of yourself on fire: no!
eaten sushi : no. ewwww.
been skiing : no. :( I could have when I was young, but my parents took it away because I was bad.
met someone from the internet: yes
been at a concert : tons of em, all classical.
taken painkillers: yes
love someone or miss someone right now: yes
lain on your back and watched cloud shapes go by: yes
made a snow angel: just one??
had a tea party: yes
flown a kite: yes
built a sand castle: yes. My dad makes crazy ones.
gone puddle jumping: yay!
played dress up: I do every day I go to work. ha ha.
jumped into a pile of leaves: yes. ahchoo!
gone sledding: I live in upstate NY. What the hell do you think? (the answer is, yes, of course.)
cheated while playing a game: I was a dishonest little prick as a child.
been lonely: every day.
fallen asleep at work/school: school only.
used a fake ID: not really, unless you count using my former college ID to get a discount at the movies.
watched the sun set: yes
felt an earthquake: the morning of my senior recital!
slept beneath the stars: sorta. in a tent.
been tickled: grrrrrrr.
been robbed: of my dignity. Temple University.
been misunderstood: yeah. why the hell don't my students know how to read my mind? ha ha.
pet a reindeer/goat/kangaroo: yes to all.
won a contest: many.
run a red light/stop sign: that's how I got into my first car accident.
been suspended from school: nope.
been in a car crash: two.
had braces: two years of hell.
felt like an outcast/third person: every day.
eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night: no way. barf!
had deja vu: all over again.
danced in the moonlight: sort of. just not outside.
like the way you look: at times.
witnessed a crime: no
questioned your heart: yes
been obsessed with post-it notes: when I was little, I thought they were way cool.
squished barefoot through the mud: not after I learned about hookworm.
been lost: many times.
been on the opposite side of the country: yup.
swam in the ocean: yup.
felt like dying: last week, during a migraine.
cried yourself to sleep: I had to as a baby, because I wouldn't go to sleep in my crib without crying.
played cops and robbers: no.
recently colored with crayons: not recently enough.
sung karaoke: yup.
paid for a meal with only coins: if you count vending-machine meals.
done something you told yourself you wouldn't: yup
made prank phone calls: only to my friends, but then confessed.
laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose: whole milk. disgusting.
caught a snowflake on your tongue: many times.
danced in the rain: in New York and Paris.
written a letter to Santa Claus: yeah. I told him not to give my brother any presents.
been kissed under the mistletoe: not by anyone that I wanted to kiss me...
watched the sun rise with someone you care about: no
blown bubbles: yup.
made a bonfire on the beach: no
crashed a party: no
gone roller-skating: yes, many times.
had a wish come true: yup.
jumped off a bridge: no
ate dog/cat food: no way, I'd barf.
told a complete stranger you loved them: yeah, in joking.
kissed a mirror: ick no! do you know how many germs are on those things?
sung in the shower: yup, but not much anymore.
had a dream that you married someone: yup. scary.
glued your hand to something: sort of, but only with Elmer's, so it came off.
kissed a fish: not the live kind.
sat on a roof top: yup.
screamed at the top of your lungs: of course. how else do you quiet my high school chorus down?
done a one-handed cartwheel: I'm not coordinated enough.
talked on the phone for more than 5 hours: heh, I got you beat. 24.
stayed up all night: several times.
picked and ate an apple right off the tree: no
climbed a tree: yes.
had a tree house: yes, but not in a tree.
dared to watch a scary movie alone: I don't watch scary movies at all.
believe in ghosts: to be a musician, you have to believe in ghosts, according to Topolewski.
have more than 30 pairs of shoes: not at any one time.
worn a really ugly outfit to school: I went to Catholic school for 9 years. nuff said.
gone streaking: no.
gone doorbell ditching: my parents would have killed me.
gone toliet papering: why waste good TP?
been pushed into a pool/hot tub with all your clothes on: no, but if anyone ever does it to me, I'll drag him/her in with me.
told you're hot by a complete stranger: once, but he was gross.
broken a bone: no
been easily amused: every day.
caught a fish then ate it: I couldn't.
caught a butterfly: I could never.
laughed so hard you cried: of course.
cried so hard you laughed: no.
cheated on a test : hehe, no one will ever know...
forgotten someone's name: nearly every day.
french braided someone's hair: sort of.
gone skinny dipping in a pool/hot tub: no, but I want to, but only with a high fence.
been threatened to be kicked out of your houseor been kicked out of your house: no
loved someone so much you would gladly die for them: yes
talked to yourself: every day.

That was long. sorry.

social

2005-11-03T20:28:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is a big day.

It's Friday, and the busiest day on my schedule.

There's a performance by the kindergarteners at 1 pm, and I play guitar while they sing "Home on the Range" and then they do a little line dance to "Achy Breaky Heart." It'll be cute and pathetic and sweet, and oh, so childish.

After school, some of the teachers and I will go to Lydia's and drink our drinks of choice. I usually get some onion rings, because by the time after-school hits, I'm famished. We'll drink and laugh and be merry, and then Karley (English teacher) and I will go to Carmella's (another English teacher) house and be merry.

At 7 pm, the middle schoolers put on Circus Gigantus! They've been working with two real-live circus performers all week, and have since learned how to juggle, spin plates, walk on stilts, stand on a big ball, etc. It will be cute and funny.

After that, I believe Karley and I are going to Carmella's again and being silly and crazy. It works for me.

Whatever tomorrow has in store, I'm ready for it. I'll be bodaciously, rebelliously sexy for no one particular in my black Thai silk shirt and my jeans that bring out the shape of my butt. I'll be wearing Blue perfume on my wrists and a ring on my hand, thus proclaiming just who I am sexy for. I will have Sudafed flowing freely through my system to counteract the cold I've been fighting all week.

And I will laugh and socialize and be merry.

Saturday I will go to my parents and rest again until Sunday, when I come back here and do it all over for a week.

My windows are open right now in an effort to get the heat out of my place. Big old charming houses are nice until they get overheated from the too-many radiators in too small a space. So I have all the radiators turned off and the windows open, and now it's almost down to room temperature.

Almost. Never mind that at this precise moment in time, it's 55 outside and is supposed to go down to 40. My windows will be open, and if I get cold, I'll have a blanket on, dammit.

Bring on the winter. It's too late in coming.

tired.

2005-10-27T10:14:00.000-04:00

The time has come, the walrus said, to get really tired again.

I was rallying for a while, and now it is time for fatigue.

It's interesting to me how it takes me at least two nights to recuperate from one late one, even if I sleep an obscene amount the first recuperation-night. Last night I had trouble sleeping because I came home and fell asleep on the couch till 6, so when bedtime rolled around, I was not too happy. That and my tap water had turned yellow all of a sudden, so I was worried about that and flustered at having to dash to the store to make sure I had enough drinkable water for my meds.

I am starting to realize that I am obsessed with school. It's all I talk about, and practically all I do. At the same time, it's not a terrible job. I always get weekends and holidays off, and I get a summer vacation. sort of.

Today is my most stressful day in my schedule, plus it's Thursday, which means I have to take a 2-hour class tonight on reading comprehension (which I would care about if I taught reading).

Tuesday night, my routine was disturbed. At the time, I was angry about it, because I am such an intensely routine-oriented person. For some reason, it hit me hard that night. Last night, my routine was disturbed, but I didn't care as much. Maybe because it was the second night in a row. Tonight I look forward to some dinner and some sleep. I might just even go to bed early. I might just eat Wendy's for dinner. I have not decided yet.

The only thing I have decided is that I'm going to do the best I can today, and that lunch for me is from the cafeteria.

Time to play piano and sing.

small victories

2005-10-18T16:10:00.000-04:00

Small victories are worth all the defeat.

I've been having trouble with the kindergarteners this year. They are notoriously difficult for ALL of the teachers. On the first day of school, one of the kids told his classroom teacher to "f--- off." I've had kids scream obscenities at me and crawl under the table and bark like dogs. There's one boy who does not respond to anything, and lives in his own little world. During music, he just lies down on the floor and sucks his thumb. Fine. He's easier to deal with than the barking ones.

Anyway; the kindergarten classes are putting together a cutsey little show for a pep rally. They're doing a cowboy theme: dancing a line dance and singing "Home on the Range." Fun.

Well, we had a "practice" yesterday in the gym (I played guitar and they sang). Having them in the gym instead of the art/music room made all the difference in the world. They had room to move. (If we're in "my" classroom, they have to sit still at tables. In the gym, there's a floor and nothing else.) So we did movement activities, we never sat still for more than a minute or two. And they were wonderful. We had such a good time.

Today I took the other class into the gym and did the same type of activities. They were a dream come true.

Small victories. Now, if only I can get into the gym EVERY time we have kindergarten music.

Saturday laziness.

2005-10-15T13:29:00.000-04:00

Today I rest, so I present you with two interesting facts about where I teach, and a meme that amused me.

Only in Hancock:
- does the video store also sell stuffed animals also. Not the cute things you sleep with at night. Taxidermy.
- do the homecoming week activities include a vote of what teacher will kiss a pig.

My mother laughed.

Stolen from TrustyGetto:
Of the 20 things below, 7 are false. Can you guess what they are?

1. I am legally blind when my eyes are uncorrected.
2. I am a published poet.
3. I like Thai food.
4. My brother is a convicted felon.
5. I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
6. I have eaten kangaroo.
7. I was once abused by a significant other.
8. I drink a diet soda every day.
9. I can sleep 14 hours in a row.
10. I have an eating disorder.
11. I graduated summa cum laude from my undergrad college.
12. I commute an hour to work every day.
13. I still use my college ID to get a student discount at the movies.
14. I got asked for a hall pass at my current job.
15. I still bite my nails.
16. I'm on five prescription drugs.
17. I've been in two car accidents.
18. I still sleep with a stuffed animal.
19. I love clock-chimes.
20. I match my socks compulsively.

back

2005-10-12T13:42:00.000-04:00

Back I am, and ready and rearin' to go.

What a wonderful, fulfilling, relaxing, amazing weekend.

I still sometimes sit back in a state of perma-wonder about JJ. What the heck I ever did to deserve the friendship of someone so beautiful, so brilliant, is beyond me. But I have her affection, and I feel so completely honored and amazed to have it. It is, indeed, a rare and precious gift.

We had a lovely time. We ran around Greensboro a bit, and I got to see more of her world, and her lovely new apartment. Greensboro is a lovely place. I could do without the heat of their summers, but I greatly enjoyed the omnipresence of trees and greenery. And... shopping. I forgot how much I enjoyed shopping in Philly. Greensboro is even better. I freely coveted (and almost bought) a pair of shoes that would serve me well teaching, but, alas, they didn't have my size. Better for my budget, though, that's for sure.

Maybe next time I'm there I can get them. They WERE lovely.

Anyway: now I'm back into the swing of things in ye olde Hancocke, and things are going well. Except for a few things I've learned in the past few days:
1. Don't eat the tacos from the cafeteria. ever. starve first.
2. Own an umbrella, especially if you have bus duty.
3. Nowadays, children know the difference between pink and salmon.

off for adventure

2005-10-06T21:14:00.000-04:00

Well, folks, I'm off for the weekend to visit JJ. Hurrah! I'm psyched.

But, I need your help.

You see, I got hooked on www.passthepotato.com because a friend of mine from college had started one. I started my own, and now JJ started hers to "race" me.

I. must. win. ;-)

Please, please, please, go to the link below, and type in yer zip codes. I will be eternally, forever grateful. Always.

http://www.passthepotato.com/potato-1.php?potatoid=051005191553-904109

Till my return, happy weekend!

amazing things.

2005-10-04T21:18:00.000-04:00

Today I was in my elementary principal's office, waiting for some information from her (she was on the phone). As I waited, I read a poem that was posted on her bulletin board; it was written last year by one of my favorite students.

The student I speak of is in self-contained special ed classes most of the day. When he comes into my classes, he stops and becomes confused, because he forgets what to do. I have to tell him to come in and sit down every day, because he draws a blank when he walks into my room. I cried when I read his IEP (details of which it is illegal for me to divulge). I'm convinced that he isn't in control of his brain making connections; sometimes it's almost impossible for him to put his fingers down on the right frets on guitar, and other times he spontaneously plays the chords we've learned more beautifully than any of the other kids - even the "shining stars" of the class.

But anyway. Here is his poem, which also made me cry.

I am poem
I am a boy.
I wonder if it is sunny.
I hear a bird.
I see a sun.
I want a toy.
I am a boy.
I pretend to be a dog.
I feel happy.
I touch a desk.
I worry a bout my mom.
I cry when am sad.
I am a boy.
I understand reading.
I say be nice.
I dream a bout my dad.
I try to work.
I hope I have no homework.
I am a boy.
I understand reading.
I say be nice to me.
I dream about my dad.
I try to work.
I hope I have no homework.
I am a boy.
-----------------------------------

This is why I teach.

good things

2005-09-28T20:34:00.000-04:00

today,

student C (a fifth grader that most middle-school teachers are afraid of) asked me if he could come in after school for guitar help. (we're doing guitar in 5th grade.)

we sat for an hour and did some guitar and some talking.

What a fantastic kid. Articulate, witty, funny, sweet.

He is an inspiration.

It goes to show: if you get to know a student, amazing things can happen.

Another thing: I am begging you, please, to keep the potato going.

bad day

2005-09-27T16:26:00.000-04:00

Today was not a good day.

I began my day with a flat-ish tire. This tire had been losing air a bit lately, so I kept checking the pressure, and it lost about 10 psi per 24 hours. Not good. So I reinflated it and went to school.

5th grade music was okay, but not great. Not their best, but not their worst. They're a great class.

High school chorus... engh. It took longer than usual to get them to quiet down, and then they were pretty darn rude. Not a nightmare, but rude. I gave them their usual reminder about music marking (don't write on your music, etc.), and of course, people doodled on their music. They passed one piece in, and it had marks on it. So I stopped class and held them up, and asked whodunnit. No answer. A second song happened, and they ended class like that, and it sounded pretty okay. Not great, but okay. I asked them to place their music neatly in a pile on the table. Evidently "neatly" is not a word that enters their minds. Big ol' pile o' music. At that point, some girls came up to me after class. First a girl gave me a piece of music, apologized, and explained that there was gum between the pages when she got it, and she was sorry, please don't make her pay for it, etc. etc. I knew she wasn't lying. Then a couple others handed me a pile and explained that two girls in the back were doddling/writing on the music and that they hid it in that pile.

What was on that music is not fit for me to type in any form. But it called me a few choice names. I don't like that kind of stuff.

Then middle school chorus. It was okay, but not great. But after class, a girl who was clearly upset about something, came to tell me that there were some rumors going around about me. She told them to me, and they were very innovative and unfounded and stupid. Typical middle school stuff... and worse. Again, not worth repeating.

I also got told that I looked like I worked at McDonald's, because I was wearing a coral-colored shirt with a pair of black pants. whoops. I never knew McD's workers were such snazzy dressers.

Such stuff normally doesn't upset me. But then kindergarten happened.

I came into the room after walking them down the hallway, and they were making cute little noises...
"bop bop bop bop bop bop"
and they wouldn't stop.

Their classroom teacher came into my room and asked me to keep track of those noises, because she had had a problem with them all day.

Well, the noises stopped. The girl and 2 boys that were the culprits then decided that it would be fun to clap. So they clapped. And clapped. And clapped.

I offered one boy a time-out chair, and he yelled "NO!" and went under the table. Then, as I tried to start one song, he crawled all over the floor and started grabbing other students' legs.

Meanwhile his little friend continued the noises.

Meanwhile the girl started clapping.

When the first boy finally got into his chair, I thought we should sing a song. So I started to sing a song. Then the 2 boys and girl decided that it would be fun to scream while the rest of the class tried to sing.

So I stopped. I brought the other boy to the time out chair. He got up and started playing with my ipod-speaker setup. (I use an ipod and set of portable speakers so I can get CD's out of my own collection and not haul them everywhere.) I told him to sit down, and he said, "no!" So I took him by the hand and he squirmed out of it and went back to the time-out chair.

Then boy 1 started screaming the s-word over and over, and boy 2 joined him. The rest of the class, cute little angels that they are, were horrified. jeeeeeeeeez.

At that point the classroom teacher came in and removed the 2 boys from the room so that the high school principal and the superintendent could have a word with them, because the elementary principal was out for the day.

I still had 10 minutes left.

Those other kids are angels. They all got stickers.

The girl, meanwhile, continued to be disruptive, but evidently not as bad as she had been all day. She got a sticker, but she didn't deserve it. She screwed around with her sticker (putting it in inappropriate places, etc.), while the other kids just thanked me and kept theirs on their shirts.

Then 4th grade, and comparatively, they were angels. But usually they are a tough class.

After school I had to write up the kindergarteners (!!!!) and dialogue with the one teacher about them.

Then I had to go get my car fixed.

I need to buy a new tire. And they're doing that right now.

Such is my day. I need a hug. And some Prozac. ;)

Oh, and an aside: the kindergarteners were like that AFTER they had been yelled at by the superintendent of schools once already that day. wow.

meme-ing

2005-09-23T20:31:00.000-04:00

Who the hell came up with the word "meme?" What does it mean? ugh.

Anyway, I got tagged by wonderful Trusty Getto (see the link on the right because I'm too lazy to type all that A HREF nonsense right now), and so here are my results:

MEME from Perverted Republican's site:
1. Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog?
Heck no! I go to the grocery store as I am and could care less if I run into someone. Sadly, the grocery store I frequent is the child of the store where I once worked, so many of my former coworkers are there, and they always say hello and ask me about my life. I don't care about giving them insipid details, because I already do that on a blog. I should just hand them a a card with my blog URL.

2. Are the photos you post Photoshopped or otherwise altered?
Nope. I don't even own any photo or graphic software.

3. Do you like it when creeps or dorks email you?
No. Who does?

4. Do you lie in your blog?
Only if I don't know the truth myself.

5. Are you passive-aggressive in your blog?
I don't know, because I'm not sure what passive-aggressive really means.

6. Do you ever threaten to quit writing so people will tell you not to stop?
No, because I don't really consider this quality writing. I wish I had kept up writing as a hobby, but unfortunately, I'm too apathetic. And, at the moment, too doped-out on NyQuil to care about anything.

7. Are you in therapy? If not, should you be? If so, is it helping?
Not right now. Sometimes I think it would be fun to have a therapist again, because I felt better by having someone to listen to my problems who was also legally bound to confidentiality.

8. Do you delete mean comments? Do you fake nice ones?
Yes, I delete mean ones, because I don't like to look at them. How do you fake a nice comment???

9. Have you ever rubbed one out while reading a blog? How about after?
I'm embarrassed to say this, but I'm not sure exactly what this means. If it means self-pleasuring, heck no!

10. If your readers knew you in person, would they like you more or like you less?
If they could stand my too-much-talking, moodiness, and anti-social after-school behavior.

11. Do you have a job?
Yes. I teach children music. Or at least, I try.

12. If someone offered you a decent salary to blog full-time without restrictions, would you do it?
Mayyyyyyybe. If I blogged full-time, though, I wouldn't have many other experiences to bring to my blog, which would make it boring. And then I'd get fired. So probably not.

13. Which blogger do you want to meet in real life?
Sonja. I've been reading her the longest, and she looks like a good ol' friend of mine. That and she cracks me up.

14. Which bloggers have you made out with?
umm... none of your business! I try not to kiss and tell.

15. Do you usually act like you have more money or less money than you really have?
I hope I act like I have enough, and that people don't think anything about money when they see me.

16. Does your family read your blog?
Only my cousin, and since I moved away from xanga, I'm not sure how often he reads. But I don't want the rest of my family reading it.

17. How old is your blog?
This one is in its fourth month. My xanga site was alive and well for over 4 years, but it's all but shut down now.

18. Do you get more than 1000 page views per day? Do you care?
Heck no, and I don't care.

19. Do you have another secret blog in which you write about being depressed, slutty, or a liar?No. I used to have a secret blog, but I stopped using it, because I knew people would find it.

20. Have you ever given another blogger money for his/her writing?
No...

21. Do you report the money you earn from your blog on your taxes?
I definitely don't earn ANY money for blogging.

22. Is blogging narcissistic?
Sometimes. But I think it's more like a venting place for me. I do love getting comments though. I really do. I see how many comments I get, and I think "yippee!" That seems narcissistic.

23. Do you feel guilty when you don't post for a long time?
Sometimes. But it's MY blog. nyeh.

24. Do you like John Mayer?
I've liked some of his songs, but I don't actively like the guy. I always thought his voice was pretty crummy but his chords were pretty cool compared to what else I heard on the radio.

25. Do you have enemies?
I'm a teacher of high-school and junior-high school students. They will declare me the enemy even if I don't know. So, yes. It comes with the territory. Which is sad, because I'm trying to make their lives better. Ironic, isn't it?

26. Are you lonely?
Sometimes. But lately I'm more antisocial, because I deal with people all stinking day.

27. Why bother?
Because it's interesting to see where life takes us. And if we don't bother, we always remember that we didn't, and wonder how much better we could have done/been. I'm using "we" to describe what has happened with my life. I figure I might as well do the best I can, since it has to be done anyway.

And now I'm exhausted and I need more Sudafed.

No, Trusty, I didn't take the day off. I went to school, sneezed, taught, did work, drove 27 miles to my parents' town to visit friends, realized I left my wallet at home, drove back home, drove back to my parents' house. Yes. today. And I'm still blogging. Tomorrow I rest.

Gnite!

sick

2005-09-22T16:28:00.000-04:00

well, it finally hit me. I got sick today.

I thought I could get through the day, but lunchtime rolled around, and I wasn't able to stand up anymore, so I went home sick. I'm mortified. I never do stuff like that. After a 2-hour nap, I'm slightly better, but still rather queasy.

School is hectic. When I come home, I really don't care about contacting people, because I see nothing but people at school all day.

I have an amazing soprano. She's new to the district, and she's very nice, polite, and all that. She has a beautiful voice. She asked for a CD and a copy of the music so that she could practice. I wish we could clone that girl.

I love my chamber choir; they're nice people, and they do well. Many are seniors, which breaks my heart, because then I won't have them next year. *sadness*

And now, that was enough exertion for one evening. I'm off to rest some more, because, as God is my witness, I will NOT have a sub tomorrow. I am super-teacher. hear me roar.

surveys, to feed my vice.

2005-09-15T14:01:00.000-04:00

These answers belong to: me
Who is around the age of: 24
Which makes them a/an: Scorpio
Who can be found at/in: my home
Your first best friend was named: Colleen
You’ve moved this many times: 12
You first word was: dada
Your first swear word was: I don't know... damn?
Your first job was: greasy worker at Lupo's
Favorite TV shows as a kid: Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood.
Favorite books as a kid: Little Brown Bear, the Little House books.
Favorite movies as a kid: Wizard of Oz
Favorite foods as a kid: Ham and broccoli crepes
Favorite toys as a kid: Barbies
Favorite videogames as a kid: we weren't allowed to have Nintendo until the shrink told us it'd improve my brother's hand-eye coordination, and then I hated it.
Your current best friend is named: JJ
Your significant other is named: JJ
Current Job: K-12 music teacher
Current Obsessions: how to manage children in a positive way
Current Annoyances: children who do not listen.
Favorite TV shows: CSI, NCIS, MASH
Favorite books: Evensong by Gail Godwin
Favorite movies: Napoleon Dynamite, Gone With the Wind,
Favorite foods: nutritious, creamy, flavorful
Favorite toys: Patrick the Pup
Favorite videogames: I hate them. Go outside and get some exercise.
Where you see yourself next year: teaching some more, with better control over my classes.
In two years: teaching some more, with still better control over my classes, and better curriculum development.
In five years: with JJ.
In twenty years: with JJ.
In fifty years: with JJ.
Future son’s name: anything except Nick, Josh, Kyle, Tyler, Zach, Chris, Willie, Greg...
Future daughter’s name: anything except another list of students who misbehave...
How the world will probably end: when the sun dies and heats everything up too much.
What happens after you die: your soul goes on to another life, unless it has reached ultimate enlightenment.
Organized religion: is man-made. God is not.
Child sponsorship: how do you sponsor a child?
Subliminal messages in music: exist.
Abortion: yucks me out.
Adoption: is a good idea.
Gay Marriage: would be very good for me.
Euthanasia: yucks me out.
Underage drinking: is a bad idea. people need to grow up and learn to be responsible.
Artistic Censorship: is a bad idea. people need to grow up.
The one-child policy: is not as bad as you might think... especially with some of the parents I've met.
Vegetarianism: is fine as long as you monitor your nutrition.
Atheism: is fine for others, but not for me.
Pornography: is pretty darn gross.
Racial profiling: is stupid.
Hunting for sport: is stupid.
“Happy Holidays” vs. “Merry Christmas”: oh say "Merry Christmas" at Christmas and "Happy Hanukkah" at Hanukkah, and all that.
Most likely to owe you $10 in the not so distant future: no one, because I usually don't lend money.
Most likely to end up stranded at an airport somewhere: me
Most likely to end up in jail and call you to bail them out: my brother.
Most spoiled: some of my students.
Most selfless: JJ and Jessie
Could very well be secretly gay: an old ex of mine.
Has the best house: me, because it means I have a home.
Has the best clothes: J Crew.
Has the best taste in music: depends on what you like.
Is the most gullible: little kids.
Full of the useless information: my dad.
Knows secrets about you no one else does: JJ
Has seen you cry: almost all of my friends.
Has cried with you: many of my friends.
Has seen you drunk: JJ?
Has been drunk with you: I'm not sure, because I don't get drunk much, if at all.
Acts most like their zodiac sign: don't know.
Acts least like their zodiac sign: don't know.
If you had to, you’d switch wardrobes with: JJ.
If you had to, you’d switch families with: Chris (his parents are hilarious)
If you had to, you’d switch houses with: no one.
How you take your coffee: I don't.
How you take your tea: I don't.
How you take your liquor: red wine in a glass please.
The most wonderful time of the year: winter.
I’d rather be: sleeping.
My other car is a: hybrid.
Honk if you’re: stupid enough to create unnecessary noise.
Your personal icons or heros: Napoleon Dynamite?
Girls are made of: all kinds of good stuff.
Boys are made of: hormones.
Three words describing the person you took this from: funny, beautiful smile, creative
Your dream pet: a dog.
Your dream vacation: Winter Park, CO.
Your dream job: teaching well-behaved children who want to learn. I have the first word, but not the others.

soulmates.

2005-09-13T16:29:00.000-04:00

For the past few days I've disappeared because I'm so tired after working all day. I am tired right now, and it's only Tuesday... ugh! At least NCIS is on tonight. :)

I've done a lot of hard and fast thinking and discovering lately, and I have figured out this:

I have a soulmate.
We belong together.

No change that I ever make in my life could make being apart from my soulmate seem like the "right" thing to do. I spent the past week or so trying to act on someone's attraction to me, and it doesn't work, because he's not my soulmate. Sure, he's a heck of a nice guy, but we do not belong together.

I belong where my soulmate is.

I kept thinking that it was nice to date a man, because I could show him off to my friends and introduce him as a romantic partner. He was attractive, too, so I wasn't worried about that. But he wasn't (and isn't) my soulmate. And the idea of making a life with anyone other than my soulmate is just wrong.

Every time I tried to think about the future, my soulmate was in it. I couldn't get her out. My inability to get her out was a huge comfort to me during some rough times.

I finally discovered this. And I am so glad that I did.

I love you, soulmate. You know who you are.

tired

2005-09-08T15:58:00.000-04:00

I am so tired.

so very, very tired.

I just want to eat a huge meal, and curl up and go to sleep.

but I don't want the indigestion that has been coming every time I eat lately.

My children are wonderful for the most part. I have some beautiful, wonderful, sweet students. I also have some test-ers, and they are testing me. Ho boy, are they ever testing me.

I worry a lot.

My fingertips are sore from guitar.

My back is sore from stupid teacher-shoes that look great but are totally un-ergonomic.

My body and mind are so tired. But when I get to bed, I can't shut it off. I'm stuck there, awake, singing the songs I'm going to sing tomorrow over and over and over and over again, and then scripting what I'm going to do, and worrying about having enough chairs in high school chorus, and worrying if I'm going to destroy my voice again in chorus, and worrying how much they're going to test me.

Tomorrow is very busy. I'm going to teach, and then go to my parents' and nap, and then it's Friday at Friday's again.

I need it.

But Saturday I'm going to sit and do nothing. I'm going to sleep with a vengeance, and I'm going to probably cry, too.

Right now there's something stuck in my throat. It won't go away. It's not physical, but I can feel it there, and no matter how much I cry, it doesn't melt.

The crying is from fatigue. I lost signal on my cell phone yesterday and cried over that. My earpiece doesn't work and I cried about that. I'm a crier lately.

And this post is about as flowing as my thoughts right now. They keep jumping.

celebrity

2005-09-01T20:12:00.000-04:00

So everyone has celebrity crushes. I have my own share. Enjoy.

First and foremost, Alan Alda, as seen on MASH. No one is as hot as Hawkeye was. Then I saw the older Alan on the Ellen DeGeneres show, and I was like, "cool! he's a real person." And hot!

Alton Brown combines perfect geekdom and celebrity. Plus I'm pretty sure he'd cook his date a mean dinner. And he reminds me of an old friend from college, who always kinda sorta made me blush and smile, but whom I never got around to voicing my feelings too. Eggs, if you read this, that's you.

Jorja Fox, whether it be Maggie Doyle on ER or Sarah on CSI, is hot. Period. And she has that wonderful, wonderful depth of character in her acting.

Pauley Perrette is the reason I watch NCIS. Goth chicks are HOTT. And she just manages to have that torture-the-nerd thing going on... a self-confidence I wish I had. :)

I want William Petersen. Actually, no. I want Grissom. I wish his character were a real person.

Ellen DeGeneres will always have that "I-wonder-what-it's-like appeal to me, because just as she was coming out on network TV, I was starting to question that about myelf. She's now down-to-earth, funny, and just plain sexy in her own confident way. And blue eyes!

Now that we're done being visceral, I'll go watch CSI and drool now. :)

funny!

2005-08-31T11:15:00.000-04:00

Wow. I wish this were possible. I'm sure that if it were, people would accuse Juilliard of selling out. But GOSH! that cracked me up today.

industrial resolution

2005-08-30T10:13:00.000-04:00

Today I woke up ready to conquer the world. Maybe because I read JJ's friend Moe's blog about competing in a triathalon, maybe because I know I have a lot to do. But Moe is an inspiration. I mean, a triathalon?! I think it's amazing if I run for half a block, let alone run, swim, and do something else (I think that's what they're made of?). I need to fix that about myself, but more on that later.

It's raining here in Deposit. It goes between gentle, beautiful downpour (the kind the farmers pray for) and a tiny drizzle while the world outside looks so WET. It smells wonderful.

Today I have to go into school and accomplish a bunch of things. I enjoy making lists to help myself organize, so here goes:

Today's list:
substitute teacher folders for the MS-HS and elementary buildings
make sure I know what I have in the elementary classroom, browse textbooks (if I have any)
practice piano lots and lots
meet with HS principal about my syllabi for choruses and other questions
more curriculum-mapping
turn in my music room rules to my elementary principal
come home and practice guitar lots and lots, because my calluses are shot. :(
de-stink my one classroom

The list for what I must accomplish this week:
finish my elementary curriculum maps
figure out a way to type up said curriculum maps
be able to play at least half of the music I'm trying to play
requisitions for new music
requisitions for supplies
vacuum lots and lots
de-stink the classroom.

I have a small glitch in my life. It's called a stinky classroom. Literally, this room smells like rotting library paste. I've searched all the closets to see if there is a jar of rotting library paste, but I'm afraid there's not. My theory is that it's just a bunch of old, dusty paper shut in a room for a while. But here's my question: does anyone know how to de-stink a room? The method is not allowed to include fire, explosives, or removing the said old paper from the room, because we're not allowed to throw any music away. I'm thinking some kind of Neutra-air product? But if there are other ideas, please to tell me!!

Thanks.

On to work now.

plan Omega

2005-08-25T22:19:00.000-04:00

Forget plans B, C, D... etc. I'm whipping up plans until I hit Z and Omega.

Got mail back from the chair of my department; I was very disappointed in the result. She made it perfectly clear that she doesn't want to help me, but will stoop to it if she has to. Her email also responds incorrectly to several points I made in mine, which tells me that she either did not read it thoroughly or did not comprehend it. I'm going with the former in my theory.

I knew I didn't trust her for some reason.

But anyway; my choices run something like this:

Plan A.B:
Stick with my old advisor this coming semester, and give it the "good ol' college try."
Cons of this plan:
- it scares me already.
- I will have to work during the year, when I am at my busiest with students and teaching.
- emotional duress is a shitty thing, and I have a feeling that a lot of it is in store.
Pros of this plan:
- there is a small chance that it would actually all get done in a year, and it would be over, now and forever, Amen.
- it would cost a maximum of about $1600, which I can swing now that I have a JOB!

Plan B.C:
Say "screw it" and start applying for summer programs and un-entroll from TU-MF (yes, the MF stands for mutha fuckah), severing all ties with them, and file for an extension of certification.
cons of this plan:
- lots and lots of New York State bureaucratic paperwork. yeeeccccch.
- it'd pry take a LOT more time to finish my M.M.
- I'd have to spend me a lot of money and go into massive debt. another yecccch.
pros of this plan:
- I just might learn something useful in the courses I'd have to (re)take.
- I'd probably be emotionally happier.
- It is possible that I could do that in North Carolina and spend the summers with JJ. (that's a biiiiig pro.)

What I have actually done since I started writing this blog many days ago is this:
I emailed my current advisor in the most professional and courteous fashion and said that I want to be as proactive and efficient as possible. So I asked her for very clear instructions and made my goals clear. Instead of saying, "you bee-yotch, you never tell us what you want in our proposals, you just revise for eons until we read your mind and get it right," I asked her if I was correct in my idea of what a proposal should contain, and I listed it. Then I asked her if it was reasonable to expect to graduate by May 2006 if I turned in good work to her weekly. That was the final thing I said.

This email serves as a litmus test. If she writes back a nasty response, I'll probably go with plan B.C. If she writes a response that indicates that she's willing to help, I'll probably go with plan A.B. I ran the email by JJ. It's courteous and polite, and it's not making unreasonable requests. My opinion is that it's simply asking her to do her job, and if she's willing to do that, but in a roundabout, un-blunt way.

So we'll see what happens. No response yet.

On a different note: I am happy here. It is comfortable, homey, and good. I like it very, very much. I will blog about more of my "small-town Amurrica" encounters soon. :)

Addendum for James: the hurry in getting my masters is because New York state requires it for teacher certification within a certain number of years, on top of a certain number of years of teaching experience. My teacher-clock is ticking.

a rock and a hard place

2005-08-20T23:18:00.000-04:00

I am in the midst of a big decision.
JJ and I talked about it at length today; in fact, I think we broke 3 hours on the phone today. A new record! Good thing it was a weekend, when the minutes are unlimited and the calls are free.
I'm faced with a choice.
I could take the easy road and run away from my current masters degree situation by enrolling at Crane in the summers. I'd most likely be finished in three summers, and I wouldn't have to write a thesis; all I'd have to do is take a battery of comprehensive exams. Exams don't bother me, because I test well. But if I were to do this, I would have to acknowledge those two years in Philadelphia that gave me nothing except JJ and a huge interest in musical semiotics. And I would always feel like the Temple door never got fully closed. And I want it closed completely!

I could take the hard road and try to hash out my thesis with Dr. S, whose communication with me has been barely civil and definitely not friendly. I know our relationship is bad, and I am fairly sure that she would try to catch me in the system and get me stuck and subsequently make it so I don't graduate in time to apply for permanent teaching certification in New York. I know that I would get contradictory feedback, and I know I would probably say "enough!" after very little time, and most likely wind up back at option 1.

I could also try to convince JJ's advisor to be mine. There are problems with this; the only tenured prof that could be on my committee besides Dr. S already rejected me, and I have to have 2 tenured professors on my committee. (JJ's advisor would be the other.) I could try to pull strings, but it will wind up being difficult. I'm also not very confident in this advisor's timeliness of doing things. I know she never graded my midterm for the class I took with her, and it took her all summer to read JJ's thesis, when it was promised by Memorial Day. But I also think I can manage her. She tends to forget. If I make it a point to almost-pester as a friendly reminder that I am around, I might be able to work around that problem. The biggest concern would be what to tell Dr. S. But I think it might be best to sever ties with her completely. I distrust Dr. S THAT much. I really do.

I need to sleep on it. I have an email composed and ready to send to Dr. B (JJ's advisor), but I need to sleep on it and realize that it's the right thing to do. But it's starting to appear to be so.

It was still hard to come to this. And I still don't quite feel I'm there. But no matter what, I know that something will happen, and that something is the thing I will wind up sticking with.

don't you grammarians hate when people end blogs with prepositions? I wonder how many of you cringed when you saw that.

enough

2005-08-19T19:51:00.000-04:00

There are people in this world whom I cannot stand in large doses. In fact, after about ten minutes, I must get out of those persons' proximities, or I fear I will burst or say something stupid or both. Sometimes I'm in situations where I can't get out, and I have to try my best to control my bursting.

This happens every time we visit the extended family. My brother lives in the same town as the extended family, and so I get stuck seeing him. Once you know me well, you learn that I absolutely, unequivocally, very strongly detest him. His simple presence in a room is enough to make my stomach churn. He tries to hug me and I can NOT touch him. I won't. The aversion I have to touching him is so strong that I will go to great lengths to be at least 10 feet away from him at all times. I could renumerate all the things he does that annoy me, but I won't, because it's just not worth repeating...again.

Whenever he's around I find myself saying things that are downright nasty. If anyone had been a judge of my character and judged me solely on reactions with my brother, they probably would judge me as a very nasty, hateful, and bitter person. My shame comes only because I know that I'm saying bad things, and that saying such things is a falling short of my potential.

It is unhealthy for both of us to be near each other. He gets upset at my dislike for him, and I get annoyed at his presence. When he is not in my life at all, I am much happier. He thinks we should stay close because we're family. He believes that even if a family member committed murder, another family member should go on the stand and do anything --including lying-- to get that person off the hook, simply because that person is family. I don't. I believe that if you commit murder, no matter who you are, to hell with you.

I digress.

I could also explain that my brother has social and cognitive problems, that have gone undiagnosed all his life, until the doctors found that nice little category called "Pervasive Developmental Disorder." My brother has issues. I should feel pity and excuse him for lying about me and stealing some of my stuff because of his issues. Because he "doesn't understand things the way [I] do."

I'm sick of hearing the excuses. I'm sick of being the one to accomodate.

I get extremely annoyed at my mother when she tells me that I "have to treat him better" because "he's [my] brother," because she only maintains regular contact with two of her six siblings. I do not feel that some fluke of genetics is a reason to pretend to like someone all my life and consequently be miserable because of it. I want it to stop.

I had enough of it this visit.

Today, at 7 am, I was chomping at the bit to get back to NY, back to avoiding the whole family scenario until next time I have to go down there.

At this point in time, I don't know when I'll be ready to go next.

I don't want it anymore.

Home.

2005-08-09T11:03:00.000-04:00

I have a new home. I am here now, sitting on my green carpet, because at the moment I am senza desk (thank heaven for laptops). Anyway, pictures. I want to show off my new home. It's exactly what I want in a home. So the tour begins. Welcome to Deposit, NY. Welcome to my house. The whole thing isn't mine; it's shared with 3 other families. My windows are on the first floor on the right in this picture. Notice the flowers and the white picket fences. I was as tickled as Sonja was to have white picket fences. hurrah!

Our tour continues by going in the front door into the front entryway, which is covered in... red and white velvet wallpaper. Dad calls it whore-house wallpaper, but that's because he had the same stuff in the entryway of a really sleazy apartment he had once. But in this house, it's old-fashioned and quaint and cute and stuff. My doors are on the right wall. The first one is vestigial (sorta), but the second one works. The second goes into my living room.

This is the living room. The door on the left is the aforementioned door. The doorways look into a sunporch (on the right) and a kitchen (on the left).
The other side of the living room has shelves and a TV and stuff, as you can see. It's so nice and homey and antique-y.

And more than anything, I love my built-in hutch. It's soooo cute. I still haven't figured out what to put in it, but I luuuuuurve it.

Cinnamon likes the couch best. I wish I could have her stay, but she would miss her Mommy (whose leg is seen here) and Daddy.

And my kitchen... I love my kitchen. The stove is now in its proper place, because Dad finally hooked it up and now I have gas (huh huh, she said gas). There is NO counter space, but it's still livable, because it's so purty. And white. have you noticed the white? Okay then. I know it seems colorless, but my very first apartment was almost all white, with touches of color here and there, and because of it, I have developed an abnormal affection for white paint. So when I saw how white this house was, I was happy.

And here is where I sleep. Note the aforementioned slightly vestigial door. Note the wood paneling on the walls. The living room has the same walls, except they're painted white. And I know the carpet is hideous, putrid green, but for some reason it doesn't offend me all that much, if at all. That alone impresses me, because normally I place a lot of emphasis on color. But here it just seems natural. Kinda grass-like. And because everything I own comes together so nicely with the carpet, I'm happy.

Things I know that I will complain about in the future:

There is NO counter-space. Period. At all.
There is one closet, and it's a utility closet on the porch. You can see the other excuse for a closet that I have in the bedroom, which is a quasi-wardrobe, but with no place to hang things like full-length dresses. So I'm thinking of trying to rig something up, but I haven't figured out what yet, or how.

But all that is okay. For now I'm going to sit on my porch....

and enjoy the magnificent scenery in this area.

I don't get it.

2005-08-06T20:29:00.000-04:00

(Don't fret, folks. I moved into the apartment today but forgot a whole mother lode of stuff at my parents, so I came back for an evening and will return tomorrow... on to blog!)

There are some things I just don't get. Usually I can derive extreme amusement out of these things. Today's events amused me quite well. It happened as follows, with minor exaggeration added to enhance effect.

Mom and I went to Target to pick up some of the things I didn't realize I needed for my new, awesome apartment (such as an outdoor garbage can), and Mom saw a package of washcloths on sale. She got all excited and snatched them up, proud of her purchase. Then she came home to show Dad. An approximation of the conversation follows:

Mom: "Look, I got some new washcloths!"
Dad, looking puzzled: "umm, gee, that's great. I didn't know we needed any."
Mom: "Now we don't have to use the ones that go with the towels!"
Dad, looking even more bewildered: "huh???"
Mom: "well, if you use them, then they get all--"
Dad, cutting her off: "--USED? oh, wait, I get it. It's like leaving the plastic on the lampshade."
Mom: "That's what NORMAL people do!"
Dad, ever more gleeful at his mockery: "no one in this house is qualified to describe a state of normalcy!"

Then I started ranting about some of Mom's other habits and giggling. (And, yes, she actually DID leave the plastic on the lampshades for... years. Never mind that there are warnings about it being a fire hazard and her father is a retired firefighter.) For example: you know those rugs that come with cars to prevent the floor of the car from getting dirty? Well, Mom buys rugs to put ON TOP OF said rugs, ostensibly to keep the rugs clean. When I inherited her old car, I immediately disposed of the top layer of rugs, and she didn't seem to understand why I didn't want two layers of rugs on top of my already-carpeted car floor.

Maybe she'd enjoy a clean room between our house and the garage, so that her car will never get dirty. THAT would be funny. But I'd better not mention it to her, or it just might get done.

That reminded me of a conversation JJ had with her grandmother a while back. Grandmother had gotten a whole bunch of TV dinners, and JJ asked her if she's enjoying them. Grandmother replied that she hadn't had any yet, and didn't want to, because once she ate them, she wouldn't have them anymore.

I don't get it. But I am definitely amused, and the amusement these people provide for me only increases my affection for them.

type A.

2005-08-04T19:15:00.000-04:00

Things I have accomplished today:

packed up all the books on my bookshelves and armoire.
packed up all my winter clothes.
gotten cleaning and living supplies for my apartment at Target.
gathered and packed bedding.
acquired cable and broadband internet for myself, beginning Tuesday.
maintained a positive attitude for the most part.

Things I have to get done before tomorrow:

get a planner. mine ran out.
clear out armoire completely.
find a way to pack the important decorations.
gather lamps together.

oh boy, it's busy! We load the big ole truck tomorrow, and we move Saturday morning. I'll have internet again on Tuesday. Oh boy! :)

meltdown

2005-08-02T18:00:00.000-04:00

Today it hit me.

I. am. alone.

So many stupid, little things went wrong today, and I couldn't explain them to anyone so that they'd understand. Dinner time happened, and I melted. I just couldn't take it anymore. I still can't take it.

I'm alone. There is nothing, no where, that I belong and am welcome.

I no longer have my haven with JJ in Philly. It's gone. I moved out completely, except for a bra and a couple pairs of underwear, I think. Maybe a pair of socks. (I forgot to check the hamper...)

I don't have my keys for my new place yet, so it's not really mine.

And at my parents' house, I'm welcome to visit, but it's not my home either. My room, even though everything is still in it, is no longer my sanctuary. It's my temporary guest-room, nicely furnished. And in the next few days, I have to pack it all and leave it, and never call it completely mine again.

But do you know how much comfort it brings me to know that my bra is with JJ? It's irrational how much. Craziness. I could write about the symbology of it being close to my heart, but I won't because that'll make me cry again. And I look like a blubbering mess of boogers right now anyway.

Tomorrow, I continue the purge-and-gather. and I pray and pray and pray for a strength through this. It's much harder than I thought it'd be. sigh.

quotes!

2005-07-29T20:21:00.000-04:00

A few quotes from our recent trip to Washington DC:

Jody: Are those porti-potties?
me: um, no, I think it's the World War II Memorial.

context for the next one:
My mom called, and we were battling traffic on I-95. I was explaining this to her.

me: We've been averaging 20-25 miles per hour the whole trip so far.
Mom: well, I guess that's better than being in a traffic jam.

It was a fun trip! Now, JJ's parents meet my mother. JJ's parents are leisurely and friendly and happy people. My mom is perpetually in a hurry. This promises to be... interesting. At the very least, there will be a few laughs. teehee!

Philadelphia and Garbage

2005-07-22T13:10:00.000-04:00

an anthropological essay

Perhaps my upbringing is too rural and uncivilized to understand the complexities of Philadelphian trash culture. Or maybe I am too – dare I say unwashed? – to participate in its rituals, which I find (to say the least) rather odd and nonsensical. One recent afternoon presents a characteristic example of the trash battles I once encountered on a weekly basis: I brought my garbage out to the nearest dumpster in my apartment complex. I can’t say I was surprised to see it overflowing with fully intact, empty cardboard boxes (with the lids closed!), along with a few requisite bags of trash ornamenting the tops of said boxes. I muttered some combination of swear words and clichés that added up to my annoyance at people who can’t bother to flatten a few boxes, stamp down a few milk cartons, or otherwise make their trash a little less massive.
My conscience and sense of disgust did not let me pile my trash further on top of this mountain of refuse. Instead I walked to the next nearest dumpster (a difference of approximately 25 yards, over in the next parking lot) and, delighted to find it only about two-thirds full, deposited my trash there. I felt good about doing my part for the environment and aesthetic of my respective parking lot, not to mention my karma. I walked back toward my building with a healthy dose of self-worth and a nice bolster to my ego.

Imagine my annoyance, then, when I found a middle-aged man standing on tiptoe, trying to pile his trash on top of the aforementioned dumpster pyramid. I looked askance at him, but I’m afraid my efforts were wasted; without the slightest acknowledgement of my annoyance, he got into his car and very cavalierly drove off. What gets me the most is that this man probably didn’t even give his action a second thought. It most likely never even occurred to him to walk the extra 25 yards and deposit his trash in a more suitable receptacle.

The next morning, as my roommate and I were driving somewhere important (although I can’t remember where), we encountered further anecdotal evidence that Philadelphians do not understand the laws of physics, nor courtesy, nor common sense, as these things pertain to garbage. Case in point: two women exited their apartment building, whose door is situated exactly halfway between two dumpsters – the infamous overflowing one and a nearly empty one. Imagine my bewilderment when they looked at both dumpsters, turned left, and piled their bags of trash on top of the mountain! As if to emphasize their piling accomplishment, the ladies did an about-face and walked to their car, which happened to be actually closer to the empty dumpster. Roommate and I laughed in a combination of disgust, amusement, total confusion, and glee that we were moving out of state within a month. We are still convinced that advances in waste management and disposal have not made their way to Philadelphia, and that Philadelphians are grossly uneducated in such matters.

But then, maybe it is we who are grossly unevolved; rather than skillfully obscuring refuse inside the receptacles, perhaps the goal is to obscure the receptacle itself. Could the receptacle be merely an outlet for an artistic outpouring for a labor-filled community? Could the trash pyramid be a status symbol, in that whoever has the largest pyramid has the most to throw away, and therefore the most affluence? A longitudinal anthropological study may provide answers to such questions, and perhaps bring a new level of enlightenment to the rest of the country’s trash culture.

fun!

2005-07-19T12:03:00.000-04:00

First, a photo comparison, because it was waaaay too tempting to put this into immediate juxtaposition:

ain't that kind of uncanny? On the left, Sonja. On the right, Enitsirhc. Those of you who do not believe in having alter-egos somewhere in the universe, beware. ha ha. Sonja, if you hate me for putting this picture up, let me know, and I'll take it down.

So, about yesterday. I had a blast! Christine and I bonded when I got there, I looked at all her wedding pictures and said "awww" and "that's beautiful" (they really were!) and laughed at the funny shots. We told funny stories, and then Bill got home (Christine's awesome and funny and wonderful husband - they are perfect for each other!), so we all went out to eat. I think the place was called "Blue Water Grill" but I'm not sure. 't any rate, the food was delicious, and there was plenty of it. I'll be recycling it for my dinner tonight. Joy! Great conversation ensued about all kinds of funny stories and bonding. Then we came home and watched.....

NAPOLEON DYNAMITE!!! (I just tried to upload a picture, but I guess it didn't work. GOSH!)

I had not seen it before, and I had been hearing about it from my friend Kirsten and quite a few people at school. Holy cow, I laughed till I almost peed. What a hysterical movie! Stupid funny. No profanity, no sex, but amazingly funny. And just plain cuuuuuuute with the story of Pedro. Christine and I giggled for a long time about the line "I caught you a delicious bass." Of course, that has to be the romance line in the movie.

We watched all the deleted scenes and extra features, and then I had to go home. I got home about 2 am, and went almost directly to sleep. It was great. I had a blast. I can't wait to watch Napoleon again. :-)

old friends

2005-07-18T01:32:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow - or, today, rather, as it's nearly 2 am - I'm going up to Baldwinsville to visit an old friend of mine: Christine. Or, as I like to call her, Enitsirhc. We decided one day to figure out our names backward, and so now that's how we write our letters to each other. In fact, we wrote a novel (!) in eighth grade that used backwards names to name the characters. Enitsirhc and Ylime were the leads, and we also had characters such as Idoj, Neelloc, and Leahcar. It was a craaaazy story. Just the thing you'd expect from a pair of (slightly silly) eighth graders. I'm not sure if either one of us still has a copy.

Anyway - she got married just over a year ago, and I'm going to visit her and her husband in their new home. I'm excited to stay in better contact with her. I'm still slightly amazed that we've stayed in at least casual contact since I went to public high school and she continued on in the Catholic high school system. But I'm also glad of it.

Christine was the most beautiful bride I've ever seen in real life. This is the only recent picture I have of her, and it's downloaded from her friendster profile, so... you know.

On a different note about Enitsirhc... I started reading Sonja's blog once upon a time on xanga because I thought (at the time) that Sonja looked like Christine (and vice versa). Now not so much so, but if you look at Sonja's senior high school picture compared to a high school picture of Christine, it's kind of uncanny. Yes, Sonja, I read you now for your own merit. But I don't know if I ever told you that... or the whole blogging world for that matter.

I'm excited about my trip and seeing an old friend. It promises to be exciting!

gone

2005-07-14T11:05:00.000-04:00

MuSe is gone. Once upon a time, when I was a more regular xanga-blogger, MuSe was one of my favorite sites. She always had a positive outlook, happy posts, and wonderful stories to tell. We wound up exchanging Christmas cards every year for about 2 years. I had just started making Christmas cards this year, and was thinking of her and wondering what her creation this year would be.

I thought I'd catch up on a little xanga-reading, to see if I was missing any sites from this new blog. I had missed Michel, because he had been away for a while. Michel's site tells me of her death.

Knowing of her death brought a heaviness to today, even though she died on the 8th. I wish I could have known so that I could have lit a candle in honor of her that day. I think I'll do it today instead. Even though her body is gone, I hope that her warmth and spirit will stay with me.

wedding

2005-07-10T14:31:00.000-04:00

I went to a wedding on the 2nd - my friends Donnina and Jeff. It was a really sweet wedding, and a FUN reception. A casual one. In fact, the invitation says to leave the formal clothes and home and come casual. I like such ideas. We had Phil's Chicken house food (yummy in my tummy!) and a friend made the cake as a wedding gift. It was a blast. And here is the blast, as photographed by me.

The first is me and my long-time friend John. I had a crush on John from the time I first met him until sometime in college, when he finally, well... told me he likes boys better. That ended that. But I call him my husband, because people at church and other places keep asking us when we're going to get married/get together/whatever. He's one of the best friends I have. He's also in a partial tux because he was the organist for the ceremony.

And this is Beccy the cake-maker and her husband Micah. Beccy and Micah live only about 15 minutes from where I'll be living when I start my job, which means I'll have friends nearby!! I'm excited about this fact. Beccy is also one heck of an Italian cook, and so I'm going to beg her to teach me all of her secrets. Yes, that's cake all over Beccy's hands. She and Micah rounded up an army of reception-attenders to help cut and distribute the cake. It turned out to be a rather crazy, slapstick, and messy occasion.

Oh, so who's the bride and groom, you say? That's a good question. Donnina and Jeff are the bride and groom. Donnina is Italian to the max. A great cook, incredibly funny and passionate and wonderfully loud. In fact, someone in the wedding party said this: "To all of you at whose wedding Donnina has been loud and crazy and obnoxious, here's your chance for payback." My table stood up and cheered. We had a great time being crazy and loud and silly.

This is my favorite shot of D and J dancing. It's their last dance, and the sunset was coming in really nicely. Something I love about them is the way you can see that they love each other. They don't do all the demonstrative stuff like kissing in public, holding hands, etc. But there's just something about the way they interact with each other that shows that their love is really and truly genuine, unpretentious, and just awesome. I thought this picture captured that nicely.

I, too, danced the night away, despite my two and a half left feet. I danced a few times with Nei (pronounced "knee"), a singer for the wedding ceremony (hence the partial tux), and a bunch of us just danced in a circle for a while. I was proudest of when John and I did the hokey pokey, and were the ONLY adults on the dance floor - the rest were kiddies. No one photographed us (thank heaven!). I earned some respect from a handful of kids on the floor at that point. Even the little shy boy who hid from everyone except his mom smiled at me a couple times. He was cute. I wanted to take him home with me.

During the last dance, I started dancing with John, and then Nei added onto it, and after a while, we turned into this huge dancing blob. It was very, very, incredibly silly. We had the whole pavillion laughing.

Dancing with Nei was fun. I had never danced with someone who could TRULY dance until then, and it was really amazing to feel how easy it is to dance when someone else actually leads you. I had issues with the leading part at first, because, well... I had always led, because I used to only dance with people who stunk at dancing. :-P Now I want to take ballroom dancing and swing dancing classes for fun. It'd probably get me in better shape too.

I should mention that until this wedding, I had never seen Donnina in any clothes except the most casual, and couldn't really picture her in a dress. She looked fabulous. I thought her dress was perfect. And it was a wonderful time. It was easy, and genuine, and fun. No fake-pleasant conversations. Just fun with a bunch of very awesome friends.

alone.

2005-07-09T11:26:00.000-04:00

When I am alone for long amounts of time there is no one to referee my thoughts and keep me from poisoning myself with the bad ones. I've found that I tend to rely on other humans to do that for me. Not good, if I plan to spend the next few years living alone. I need to learn self-fixing behaviors. Like, if I get down on myself, I need to take a deep breath and tell myself to focus on some of the good things. Jessie, when I get really down, tells me to focus on one day at a time. JJ just refuses to tolerate my bad moods - a good strategy. But soon I'm going to need to teach myself to do this independently. Part of growing up, I guess, becoming more and more self-sufficient. It's wonderful and daunting at the same time.

But now it is time to go try to be responsible and see what I can accomplish with the day. I do know I have pictures to retrieve, and I just might make a photo blog if they turn out nicely.

making it a home

2005-07-05T14:00:00.000-04:00

So I got my kitchen appliances today. A stove and a fridge. It turned out to be quite an easy search, because I just looked around and found what I wanted. I'm pleased with my fridge, even though the picture doesn't show the inside of it... It has 2 crisper drawers (oh boy!) with humidity controls (oooh, ahh), and a "Deli/snack drawer." Which is a drawer right below where I usually put the milk. Adjustable shelves, bien sur, and they're clear, too. Happy happy joy joy!

I also got my stove. Gas stove. I like gas. Never thought I would, because I'm paranoid about gas leaks, but... they boil water so quickly, and they make the best darn scrambled eggs... and they're easier for me to clean. So I'm happy. I thought about getting an electric for a while, but my main reason for not getting one was paranoia that it wouldn't be set up right, but I'm trusting Papa to do it correctly. He talked through it eloquently enough that I really do honestly trust him. And then I'll be able to cook. Yeah, baby.

Yesterday was a 4th of July party at our neighbors'. It was quite fun, but I'm totally socialized out. In the past 4 days I've been to a wedding, then I spent the next day socializing in the park, and then the next day I went to this party. Now, my parents have left for their semi-annual vacation for 2 weeks, and the weenie dog is at the "resort" (aka dogsitter), and I'm all alone. It's a big change from the other day, but I think I'll be all right. For now I'm going to curl up and be alone and antisocial, and do what I want for a few days. Then I'll start being responsible again.

Yes, my 4th of July pictures will be posted as soon as I get them uploaded. There's an especially cute shot of the dog in the pool. She didn't like it. Not one bit.

I'm stealing this.

2005-07-02T11:27:00.000-04:00

Okay, so Sonja has this awesome ritual of "weekend one-liners" for her blog. Well, I'm sorta stealing it. But instead of stealing it directly, I'm just going to add to a few quotes that I found recently that amused me:

"WOW...I was really bored and restless so I went into a few AOL chatrooms.
OH. MY. GOD. No wonder terrorists think we're stupid." --Amanda

JJ's grandmother: I bought some TV dinners because I don't want to cook. I spent a lot of money!
JJ: Well that's nice...
JJ's grandmother: But I don't want to eat them, because then I won't have any more.

Just about anything from this site cracks me up.

JJ's latest post about her father and his pool-cleaning habits.

"Emily, you are a sister in the brotherhood of music education." -- a friend of JJ's. He was not trying to be funny. In fact, he was being extremely serious.

I like to laugh.

home

2005-06-30T22:02:00.000-04:00

I have an address! A home!

Yesterday and today, mommy and I went house/apartment-hunting in Hancock and the neighboring town of Deposit. Yesterday ran a dry spell except for a perfectly hideous 4-bedroom house whose rent was incredibly cheap ($475/month for a HOUSE!), but whose carpet was pink and whose walls were either swimming-pool blue or dingy fake wood paneling. It did have 3 porches, though. Today I looked at 2 apartment places. The first was in Hancock, a mere block from my job (I could see school out my window - blargh), and I had my choice of an upstairs or downstairs 4-room place with kitchen and bath. The upstairs one was acceptable, and actually quite nice, but it was SO close to school. I thought I could deal with it if I had to, but I wanted to see what Deposit had to offer.

So I arrived in Deposit. Beautiful, big, old white house with light blue shutters and a large front porch for sitting. Hanging plants and a wreath on the door (joy!). I went in and met the very friendly, slightly old-ish landlord and landlady. Then we saw the place. Ohhh, love. First, the rooms are huge. Granted, there's only a kitchen, living room, bathroom, and bedroom, but they're HUGE. High ceilings, because it's a (drumroll please) Historical House. My entryway lets you into a closed-in porch-ish thing that is actually adjacent to the kitchen, with a partial dividing wall in between. The kitchen? Huge. Painted entirely, pure white. Immaculate. Cute little cabinets for everything imaginable. I have to buy my own stove and fridge, but that means I'll be able to keep them forever. The living room and bedroom have high ceilings and walls covered in real wood paneling with intricate little carvings all over them. The living room's walls are painted white, but tastefully so. The bedroom is still its natural stain. Also in the living room is this beautiful amazing perfect little china cabinet built into the wall. I have no china, so I think I'll just put other stuff in it. Glass doors, so I can put my pretty books on display. Joy!

The drawbacks:
one closet in the whole place. And it's small and a utility closet.
I have to buy my own stove and refrigerator.
The carpet is green.
The rent is higher than any other 1-bedroom I've seen, but a lot less than Philly, for more floor space.
The bathroom is kind of not perfect... but it is acceptable.

The advantages:
Utilities are included.
It is such a beautiful house!!!
It's more space than I've ever had before.
I can CHOOSE my appliances, and if I want a gas stove, by golly I can have one, because the kitchen is set up for both.
To make up for lack of closet, the landlords put a wardrobe in the bedroom that's quite nice.
The lady before me was incredibly, amazingly clean, so the appartment is amazingly clean.
The kitchen and living room are SOOOOO cute.
Safe neighborhood.
Privacy; it's 10 miles from school, so I can keep work at work and home at home.
Green is better than pink.
I have my own parking place, off the street. (all other places were on-street parking.)
I can use the big ole porch for reading and watching the world go by. And maybe guitar-ing.
It's cable-ready.
Lots of outlets, and up-to-date wiring.
On-site landlords who have a dog.
No-smoking building (a plus for Emily).

Oh yeah, and the biggest advantage of all? I walked into it and felt at home. The most important, and best, part.

Are they biting?

2005-06-28T11:31:00.000-04:00

Oh, Blogger, how I love thee. Thou lettest me put pictures up from my computer, without charging me money to do so. Blogger is good. Alas and alack, I am not on my own computer right now, so my picture supply is limited, especially since I forgot my beautiful jump-drive on this weekend jaunt to Philly. I will gloat and giggle with glee that I can get to my dad's gator picture. For you logistic-o-philes, it's at the dead fish tower in Siem Reap, Cambodia. Dad likes Southeast Asia. A lot.

My family has this long-standing joke with things that bite. It started out on a school camping trip that my dad chaperoned while my brother was a 6th-grader. As is normal for sixth-grade boys, they started screwing around late at night, after "lights out." My dad, being the affable, reasonable chaperone that he is, said,
"Come on guys, do you want Mr. Shereddy to come over here and yell at us?"
(yes, the man's name really was Mr. Shereddy. Pronounced like "Shred" with an extra "er" in the middle. and an "eee" on the end.)
My brother's giggly, ecstatic sixth grade response?

"Are the Shereddies biting tonight?"

I guess something about the way he said it cracked everyone up, and it still cracks my family up to tell the story. So we have lots of fun finding pictures of things that bite and sending them to each other. This is one of those pictures. That and it's just a really cool picture of gators doing... gator stuff. They look happy.

For some unknown reason, certain small breeds of dogs that tend to bark a lot (excluding dachshunds) have also earned "Shereddy" status. They are known as Shereddy-dogs.

This is not a Shereddy-dog. It is Cinnamon, trying to lick the camera lens. She does not bite.

Oooh, I love this picture thing.

2005-06-24T23:25:00.000-04:00

Here I am, in Philly, typing a blog. I just finished a glass of wine - Banrock Station Cabernet Sauvignon, to be exact. Maybe I'm not a very good wine drinker, but I especially like this stuff. I am in looooove with red wine. It has to be my very favorite drink ever. And now I'm starting to feel it.

This weekend is packing weekend for me. I have to get all (the rest of) my stuff into my little tiny, beautiful 1997 Corolla, and then drive it up to Binghamton so I can store it temporarily at my parents so then I can move it to my new apartment, which I have yet to see.

Wednesday I'm going to go sign the papers for my job and look at apartments in the near vicinity. I'm hoping to find something - especially since this place has NO apartment listings on the net, except for senior-citizen and/or assisted living.

My mother has lilies in the back yard. The orange kind.

She also has the pale orange, peachy ones.

I like these lilies. They provided me an excellent way to test out my daddy's new digicam, which is veeeeery sweet.

I also have been playing a lot of my dad's guitar lately. I feel a connection to him when I do this. I also get very pensive. My dad took this picture after he had taught me this nifty-cool ornament to use between a C and D chord. It took forever for me to learn, but I've almost got it. I've also almost got his trick of going way up the neck on this one song he did.

And now, it is time for bed. The bed I called home for so long, but now isn't home. It's weird - now that I've moved out of this place -- at least partially -- I can see more flaws in it. I can see the sagging ceilings (!!), the seams along the walls, the dents from the carpenter's hammers that never got spackled, the leaks in the ceiling... etc. It's a pretty badly-built place. I'm looking forward to finding a new place. I'm sad that it won't be a home with JJ for a while. But it is bedtime.

Good night, my someones...

2005-06-22T12:11:00.000-04:00

Cinnamon a few days ago.

getting to know Blog

2005-06-22T11:52:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm starting to figure this out a little. I think. I'm trying to. Higher learning curve. But if I can deal with 20 screaming kindergarteners in one room, I should be able to figure out how to type a blog on a new program.

On a different note:
I got a job offer! Yes, that's right, a real job. One of those things where they give you a salary, and health insurance, and all kinds of other cool stuff. I'm this close to taking it. I was told that another school would tell me the results by Thursday, but I'm not hopeful about that one anymore. If I were offered a job in both places, I'd have some thinking to do, and pros and cons to weigh. Both places are small districts in Southern Tier NY, pretty rural, and both jobs are K-12 general music and chorus. The advantages to the job offer I have right now include:

The principal is a musician, and would be very supportive of the program, if I wanted his help. He'd also be my mentor for my first year.
I start in September, which means my benefits start in October, which means only 1 month without health insurance.
There are more day-to-day resources in the first place, such as a grocery store and multiple gas stations and drug stores.
I'm closer to my parents by 20 miles, which means more proximity to the weiner dog and more proximity to an airport and a mall. Yes, you have to drive 45 miles to the nearest mall from this town.
There is opportunity to develop my own curriculum - maybe add a music theory course or something.
This music program is more established and known about than the other, which implies to me a little more musical competence on the parts of the kiddies.

So it's starting to look good. I'm going to wait until I hear from the other place. But I think town A looks good. Although it would have been fun to live in town B, just for the following facts:

Buffalo Zach's gourmet coffee. I'm not joking about the name.
Buffalo Zach's is right next door to one of several bait and tackle shops.

hmm. Maybe I could go visit Buffalo Zach's if I needed to. And besides, Town A has a place called "Awesome Subs and Ice Cream." Awesome.

And that is that. I'm going to try to post my newest picture of the weenie just for fun... and because she's so darn cute. We'll see how this works.

2005-06-19T23:58:00.000-04:00

my favorite painting

new

2005-06-19T23:22:00.000-04:00

I'm new here... coming from xanga. I want to try this out.